Archive for May, 2004

Happy Memorial Day

Monday, May 31st, 2004

Today, Memorial Day, take a moment to remember the casualties of this war. Mourn not only the soldiers, but also the tragic deaths of freedom of speech, democracy, trust, humanity, tolerance, faith, integrity and equality – all by friendly fire.



They Turned Off The Mic

Friday, May 28th, 2004

I did a gig last Saturday night, not really something that unusual, but it was not my typical show. It was a corporate convention, the kind I normally avoid even though there are extravagant sums to be made, because I hate the atmosphere at those events. However, this was booked by a friend, was in reasonable distance from my home and I was told the employees specifically requested me.



We (my sidekick Bruce and my husband Al) drove in a stretch limousine to the show in San Diego. We watched “Dogville” on our way there. I love Lars Von Trier. The film strangely fit the scene we were presented with when we got there.



“Dogville” is about the exploitation and persecution of women who search only for virtue and the opportunity to do good deeds. However, to limit the film to one topic is to diminish the scope and power of this extremely compelling and complex film.



We got there early and ran around in the suite provided us at the hotel, eating cold pizza and chocolate cake, waiting for the time we were to perform. Finally, they fetched us from the room and brought us down through the kitchen to the banquet hall.



Two large screens filled the spaces between the stage and the doors to the room, so the audience could see up close what was happening. This didn’t make sense, as the room was rather small, hardly a ballroom, which had been occupied by manic teenagers trying to prom.



It looked bad to me. It felt wrong. There was a speech made by a man who was much applauded for seemingly no reason, and who swept past me without acknowledging my presence. Then a woman wearing a NU-BRA tm, allowing us all the ability to enjoy the backless fashions of the moment, underneath her black rayon sheath with rhinestone spaghetti straps and a butterfly back, you know, your “night on the town” dress, started to cry onstage about her sales staff. She was overwhelmed with emotion and had her hand on her chest, as if her heart were about to burst with affection for her employees, and she was trying to push it back in, like the monster from “Alien.” We all had to cope with the lump in her throat for several minutes, as she had to return to the stage after leaving once, because she had forgotten names she wouldn’t have forgiven herself for not speaking aloud.



The rhinestone butterfly lady finally finished, then there was a parade of the staff, mostly young people of color, those that work behind the scenes at hotels, turn down the beds, park the cars, serve the room service, you know, like do everything. It seemed oddly demeaning to me, as a person of color myself, that the maids and busboys had to undergo this kind of odd celebratory lineup, but it seemed that they were very appreciated by the audience. I was glad. Everyone deserves applause.



Bruce took the stage, and I thought he did well. He was funny and got laughs, which is what he always does. Then, I took the stage, after a brief, panicked attack by a nervous woman in another black rhinestone confection, likely to have also needed a NU-BRA tm, but I wasn’t sure. She accosted me directly before I went on the stage to say “language.” I assumed she meant for me to go ahead and speak English.



After about 10 mins. my mic was turned off and the band, comprised of Asian, African-American, and Latino musicians, was hurried on to the stage. They passed me, looking apologetic. “We wish we didn’t have to do this,” they all said with their eyes as they launched in to a rousing rendition of “Sweet Home Alabama.”



Using Lynyrd Skynyrd as a way to ethnically cleanse the stage after I was unconsititutionally censored was the most offensive. I am a huge Skynyrd fan and I consider it unconscionable that they played me off with “Sweet Home Alabama” to give the allusion that they were excising the ‘anti-American’ element from the stage. Skynyrd and I are on the same side. I am proud of the South. I wish I was from the South. I have spent enough time there to know and love it well. “Sweet Home Alabama” is one of my favorite songs, and it was appalling that they offended me with the greatest band in American history.



I was also offended by the five identical blonde women ready to leap onto the stage after I was turned off. What were they there for? It just proves once again, pussy is not supposed to speak.



It’s ironic that Skynyrd was chosen to chase me out of the town like a witch when we are the true Americans. I feel bad because the audience, albeit chilly, would have eventually enjoyed and loved what I had to say. I am sad that they were not allowed the great honor to see me perform in person.



Margaret donated all the money from this gig to the West Memphis Three.



Update 6/3/2004: Omni Hotels stopped payment on their check.



Maximum Volume

Thursday, May 27th, 2004

In 1983, Elvis Costello was an enigmatic deity in British pop music; Woody Allen-esque in his avoidance of the press. He didn’t do interviews and was never seen in public offstage. That year, at the height of his hermetic glory, he released an album, brilliant and acidly political, called “Punch The Clock,” which contained the single “Shipbuilding.” “Shipbuilding” is a sorrowful ballad about the Falklands War, and about Margaret Thatcher sending ships to fight while simultaneously closing down the shipyards. It is a wrenching, melodic plea for the working class, for the protest of the war, for the opposition of the government that solidly places itself against the people it purports to represent.



I am such a music geek, I actually watch all the extras on “The Old Grey Whistle Test” DVD, so I know all this arcane music history. Elvis was so intent on “Shipbuilding” reaching as many people as possible, he actually physically brought a copy of it directly to the head of a powerful music magazine in the U.K. and tried to get as much coverage of it as he could. The gesture was astounding, considering his status at the time.



Elvis has always been political. Once on Saturday Night Live, as a last minute replacement for The Sex Pistols, he awkwardly but gracefully – the Elvis way of doing things – stopped the performance of a second song, “Less Than Zero,” to play the song they told him not to play, “Radio, Radio.”



Radio is a sound salvation
Radio is cleaning up the nation
They say you better listen to the voice of reason
But they don’t give you any choice
’cause they think that it’s treason.
So you had better do as you are told.
You better listen to the radio.



I wanna bite the hand that feeds me.
I wanna bite that hand so badly.
I want to make them wish they’d never seen me.



That is some straight up thug genius. “Radio, Radio” was a massive hit, and a continual rousing crowd pleaser at his live shows. He sometimes closes with it, because it sums up what he has been doing his entire life. Doing whatever the fuck he wants. Sadly, the urgency of the message wasn’t the same for “Shipbuilding.” They are both incredible songs. These songs are addressing critical issues as relevant today as ever: censorship, and the senseless, inhumane treatment of the working class in times of warfare, both with beautiful, ominous lyrics and the lushly layered jangled but symphonic chamber music punk rock that makes Elvis like no other artist.



“Shipbuilding” was not a success, because the government sponsored radio wouldn’t play it, and it didn’t go far in terms of the charts, but it is a perennial favorite. It has been covered many times by diverse artists such as handicapped rock activist Robert Wyatt, Suede and Tasmin Archer. I would cover it if I could, but I cannot sing for shit, especially an important and potently moving song like this one and I wouldn’t be able to make it ‘ironic’ like at a Planet Hollywood ribbon cutting, with a beer soaked wife beater and Ray-Bans on, smoking a cigar.



It speaks volumes about how the government can subtly and easily disarm anyone in the media, shut them down without ceremony, no matter who you are, or which government you are talking about, or which war you are talking about.



I got confused when I found out that my new film, “Revolution” was being dropped from promotion by Westwood One because of ‘indecent, inappropriate content.’ I am nowhere near being Elvis Costello in pre- Falklands England in the early 80s, and could never dream of the very comparison of the body of work and the unbelievable talent that he possesses, but nonetheless, I feel like I might get there eventually. People telling me what to do, dismissively, unclearly, insults me, rather than scares me. It is less that I rebel, but I realize a bit more of my true nature, and revel in it. Ultimately, it is a good thing, for the silencing of a voice, only serves to make it louder later.



I would advise earplugs soon. To paraphrase the edict of another artist I worship – I will be playing at maximum volume.



Update 6/3/2004: Thank you Dana for the following correction:



Love your blog, love you.



But re your recent entry on Elvis Costello’s wonderful song, “Shipbuilding,” I wanted to point out one thing: The song was actually a collaboration (unusual for Elvis): lyrics by EC, music by Clive Langer. This was Langer’s favorite song he ever wrote, and is, as you point out, a masterpiece of pop protest music, so it just seemed like Langer should get some recognition for being its co-author, especially since your post is being linked to blogs far and wide. Here’s the story of the song.



–snip–
Dana Stevens



Flying Into Columbus, Ohio…

Wednesday, May 26th, 2004

Flying into Columbus, Ohio, late last night, around 11pm, we shared the plane with four soldiers. Positively embryonic, they couldn’t have been more than 19 years old. I wanted to talk to them, with their suede heads and dusty khaki uniforms. “Are you coming home? Do you have to go back? What did you see?” But I didn’t. I don’t know why. I should have. They were sort of sad looking, silently sitting in the back of the plane. Didn’t say anything. Heads down, they walked off the plane, without luggage, except for identical backpacks. I said silent prayers for them; that they could be home for good; that whomever they were going home to was happy to see them; that they didn’t have to go back, ever.



Feeling sorry for soldiers lately, just with all the terrible pictures and the big abuse scandal. All in all, the war must end, and I hope that the rest of the world will see that sooner than later. If not, I hope they reinstate the draft, because I know the upper class citizens of this nation would never sacrifice their sons and daughters to a war, no matter how patriotic they are. How easy it is for them to fight for ‘freedom’ with other people’s children.



Start the selection process at the highest level tax brackets. You know it would end the war in seconds. No CEO in the nation would allow their first born anywhere near Fallujah. It’s fine when the photos of the casualties of this war resemble a Benetton ad and not a graduating Ivy League class.



The Bush Administration will leave no millionaire’s kid behind. Do you actually think his daughters would be plucked from the front row of an Armani runway show and put into camos? Not this or any other season. They will never wear camos, not even when Posh was doing camos. When I see these kids, they are kids you know, I mean, it doesn’t seem like it, like kids have to fight with machine guns and grenades, but they are kids. You know it when you see them. They should be at the mall, or in class, or playing flag football. Even hazing each other.



Can you believe Rush Limbaugh? I am paraphrasing because I couldn’t even imagine listening to that blustering, detoxing windbag . He said that the Iraqi prison torture was no worse than what happens in frat houses in America. I think he needs to go back to rehab. But it isn’t the fault of any one soldier you’d see in an airport, with red, tired eyes, making connections to cities farther than you’d ever dream of going to, knowing that they might not be going home at all, and might not make it home, ever.



Now More Than Ever

Tuesday, May 25th, 2004

Note from Keri: Margaret is on the road and said we could post some fan mail. We’ve been getting a lot of letters from people thinking about politics and we thought we’d post them because we can’t stop thinking about politics and thank maude we’re not the only ones!



For some words from Margaret, check out the 5-part series on the future of marriage for Nerve.com that Margaret contributed to.



__________



Subject: Vote for Love



Margaret,



I’m a 22 year old man who’s never voted. I’ve never registered, or taken the time to listen to the political banter that every day appears on television, or in newspapers. I’ve always thought that I was too young to be affected by anything that happened to the world. But I’ve come to realize lately no matter how unaffected I have felt in the past, there is one issue that was so stunningly surreal to me, that it shocked me out of my naivety. Margaret, no matter how young or old the legal voting age may be, love is ageless. Love is colorless and genderless, love is a feeling you get deep down in the center of your stomach, it’s a terrifying surreal feeling that is scary yet at the same time so comforting. Love isn’t something that someone can tax, or outlaw. You see, to me, marriage is something that is granted to you by a certificate, a piece of paper and some ink. Yet, it represents something more powerful than any weapon of mass destruction could dream of possessing…love. So, I registered to vote, I’ve listened to all the political debates, and read every article. I’ve signed the petitions, written letters, sent faxes and emails, and I’m ready. I’m ready to fight, ready to fight until I’m weak in the knees, and I’m out of breath. Not only because I deserve this right as an American. But because if there is one thing I’ve learned in my twenty two years of life, it’s that love is something that no one can control, and it’s sure as hell worth fighting for. I hope that everyone realizes that that sometimes love is blind, sometimes it’s deaf, and well…sometimes it’s gay.



P.S. Thank you Margaret for helping us all realize the importance of voting and taking a stand. And for helping me to realize it before it was too late.



-J



__________



Dear Margaret,



This is my first time emailing you, so I’m a wee bit nervous. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your work, and all that you stand for. I don’t want to be one of those people who tell a famous person “You saved my life” or anything like that. I think that’s an a huge load to put on someone… but I will say that through your comedy, and your blog, and all the other outlets you’ve had for your words and creativity…you’ve changed my life.



You’ve inspired me to really care about what goes on in the world, in politics, and with civil rights and equality and unity and really caring what really matters. I can honestly way on behalf of many of my friends that you are a true modern crusader. I never used to feel *fabulous* or truly at peace with myself… but you are one of the people who’ve helped me find that inner fabulosity within myself and let it come out. I thank you for that.



I thank you for your website and I thank you for standing up for what you believe in and rocking the boat. You rock Margaret, in every time signature and tempo, in every genre… you rock. :)



From,
~O
Sacramento CA



__________



Subject: Weight off my Shoulders !!!



Hello Margaret …



This past weekend you performed here in Austin, and as always everyone loved the show. I wasn’t able to go unfortunately, but I’ve been there for your last 2 trips through the Paramount . My best friend did see the show and tipped me off to the hate mail you’ve been receiving. I had to check it out myself, and as I sat there reading those comments, I felt overwhelming embarrassment. I am a 27 year old gay man and have lead what I believe to be a charmed life. I have been fortunate enough to say I have been in love. I’m not rich but ive got a good job, clothes on my back and food on the table. Finally and most important, I have amazing friends both gay and straight and a close family that knows and loves me. I’m also a veteran of the US military, and have always considered myself to be republican. I’ve supported Bush’s war in Iraq as well as his presidency. I’ve never been ashamed of anything in my life, until now. The lack of evidence for the war in Iraq, the rising number of dead American soldiers, his nerve to propose a constitution ban on gay marriages only to serve his own bigoted opinions and election day goals … and now the insane, crude, uninformed, and closed-minded comments from the people that are his supporters all make me ashamed of the party I have represented since as far back as I can remember. You, as well as my loved ones have my deepest apology !!! This year I’m voting for Kerry !!!



Sincerely,
-Troy



__________



Subject: You’ve somehow made me politically aware? What is this?



Margaret, (or is it Mrs. Cho? — I don’t know — I suck out-loud with greetings-to-famous-people),



I will be seeing you at the Improv in Dallas, Texas this Saturday night. And in idol-worshipping fashion, I somehow feel an obligation to you – to me – to tell you the odd impact that you have had on me this last year or so. And by odd, I mean — I’ve some how developed this uncharacteristic political awareness. Through your words. Through your humor. Through your honesty.



And normally, my body would happily reject any conversations of a political nature. To be honest: political issues in the past have had a tendency to bore me. I would much rather make some sarcastic social commentary about how cell phones should never be worn as an accessory to one’s wardrobe or discuss pop-culture of days past, such as the impact of that very special episode of Good Times when Penny’s mom burns her with an iron– than mention the words: Bush. Presidency. Weapons of Mass-Destruction. War. Legislation. Vote.



But, with all of these issues that surround gay culture (i.e. the new black) becoming so mainstream, so personal to me – your words (and those from others on your daily blog) – somehow, some way – have made things much more clear in my head. I mean, superficiality is fine. But, yeah, there is a world out there. Things are going on. And I have the power to support, if not change, what’s happening. (oh yeah, surprise to this big ‘ol homo – platinum star for me.)



Oh, and that whole issue of gay marriage – seriously, the thought of me not afforded the very same rights of someone who is heterosexual transforms me into a fucking funnel cloud of rage. I mean — yes, I’m a Country-cracka, Club-goin’, Man-lovin’, Muscle-T wearin’, Taco-Bell-eat in, Cher-listenin’, Graphic-designing, Audi-drivin’, Galleria-shoppin’, gym-rat-wannabe, no-longer-closeted Homo. But, I’m also a citizen of the United States. A productive, contributing member of this society. Our society.



And I have rights. Hell, I have responsibilities.



And it’s true — I do have a long way to go and a lot to learn (baby steps….) regarding this new-found political arena, but I will say that yahoo’s news page (it has pictures, you know?) has been added alongside billboard online, stevie nicks official web page, and of course, your website, as well – to my daily list of on-the-job-web-surfing sites. (We’ll discuss my work ethic later.)



So, this year — I’m going to vote. It will be my first time. I’m 26 years old. This is huge for me. And I don’t think it would be fair to say it is all your doing…but without a doubt, you’ve been a catalyst and a proponent for this change within. I think that it’s awesome.



And, in some ways this is a new world for me. In my life lately, there’s been a great deal of change. I’m gaining a political consciousness. I’ve become *officially* comfortable with this “gay” thing. And I’ve just recently come out to my family. My entire family. (Admittedly, I was outed. By a psychic. That’s right. Ms. Cleo confirmed my homosexuality to my mother and grandmother. I received the call on a sunny, hangover-free Saturday morning. The following Sunday morning I didn’t feel as pretty. Alcohol be damned.)



But it’s okay. It’s done. It’s out. I’m OUT.



Anyway, thank you very much for you time. I hope you have an opportunity to read this. Your story. Your activism. Your strength — These are things that inspire me, and I sincerely thank you for this.



Take care, Mrs. Cho. And have a wonderful show Saturday night. I’ll be there – somewhere – in the audience, appreciating every word that you say.



-D
Dallas,Texas



My Skull is Such

Monday, May 24th, 2004

I am pretty sure I have to get glasses. I don’t mind, but let me tell you something. My skull is such – that is a memorable phrase isn’t it and worth repeating – my skull is such that a normal pair of glasses will not fit my head. My nose does not have a bridge.



My Korean roots are very evident in my face so I went to Koreatown where I hoped to find glasses that could meet at the bridge of my nose. I failed miserably. Not only did they not have the glasses required to improve my eyesight, the bridge question was never resolved. It seems that many of the Asian makers of fine optical accoutrement do not take into account their own physical heritage. Every pair, Eastern or Western felt uncomfortable, slid down my face.



I refuse to call it ‘flat’ even though it might contain fewer planes than another say – European face. I have no problem with my face, as I have mentioned I am one of the most beautiful women in the world, which is a blessing but also a curse. My beauty is hidden mostly because the media cannot handle a woman who is intelligent, honest and ridiculous, so my beauty is ignored in order to flatter those who have not a brain nor a voice nor integrity. I am also hounded by the cosmetic companies who boast that they are worth it, or that I am worth it but honestly nobody is worth that kind of innocuous, time wasting blather.



The anger that I have right now is directed toward those who make, design and market glasses, which are probably essential to all people at one time or another, specifically not for – a skull like mine – if you will – a skull as such. So fuck all y’all.



What? Don’t you motherfuckers want me to be able to see? Fuck your driving jokes and the bullshit about the small eyes. I don’t want that. I need answers. Why can’t I, an accomplished comedian, world traveler, fashion icon, media mogul, artist, muse, dancer, gender revolutionary, social critic, maniacal despot, lifeguard, housewife, couture designer, pratfaller extraordinaire (Harold Lloyd can kiss my ass – he had the best glasses), jewelry maker, musician, humanitarian, law student, film producer, mystic, acclaimed writer, hip hop wannabe, visionary, activist of all activists – that is stupid – I take that part back – actually, I take all of it back, it is self- aggrandizing, and that is not what this is about. Why can’t I, an Asian American woman, find a decent pair of glasses that will:



a) fit my face
b) not give me a migraine whenever I put them on
c) not slide down my nose
d) not give me acne in the spots where the kidney shaped pads are placed on the glasses as if that would help me keep the glasses on my ‘misshapen’ misadventure of a head; safety brakes for my Black Diamond face, as the eyeglass industry refers to it
e) allow me to see clearly



Would the status quo have me left farsighted and blurred? Are they really thinking that Asians are bad drivers and should be stopped at the very first opportunity? Is the DMV eye test a sort of automotive ethnic cleansing?



Yes, I could wear contact lenses, but I don’t want shit on top of my eye. Sorry. That is the fucking deal. Give me my fucking glasses. For a skull as such, here is an order, not a request. I am not alone. My skull is not the only skull with these shapes, these planes, these valleys, these lowlands. We want to see. And I don’t want to design my own glasses. I don’t have time. I have more important things to do.



Nonetheless, this is extremely important.



Our Man Inside

Thursday, May 20th, 2004

get a pretty good account of prisoner abuse that doesn’t get photographed, that happens daily, most likely in correctional facilities all over – America.



I asked chief correspondent, our man inside, Damien Echols, what it is like where he lives. He has a good sense of humor about his situation, but it makes it nonetheless a travesty of justice and humanity. He is innocent. And he lives like this..



Dear Margaret,



I was very happy to receive your letter, and there is much I want to respond to, but first I’ll jump right to the question because it may take a while to answer. You want to know about a typical day for me, what occupies my time and mind, and what the culture and society are like in here. There are many angles from which I could try to answer that, and I’m going to try to be as complete as possible.



The day begins with breakfast at 3 A.M. they have it so early because they want to get inmates out into the fields as soon as possible. They call it the “hoe squad,” and that’s where Jesse Miskelley is now. It’s considered punishment. There is no job in the world that’s more grueling, back breaking, or demeaning. You have to guard against heat stroke, poisonous snakes and other inmates who may decide to stick a hoe in your head because they’re having a bad day. I feel sorry for Jesse.



Breakfast is the same meal every single morning except Saturday. On Saturday you get pancakes. Every other day you get a scoop of powdered eggs, two biscuits, grits, and watered down gravy. I’m considered somewhat of a freak, because I love powdered eggs. I much prefer them over the real thing. I had never discovered this tasty treat before coming here.



At breakfast they turn the lights on and won’t turn them back off until 5:00 or 5:15, after all the trays have been picked up and put away. I try to get a little more sleep during that time, but it’s never restful because of all the lights and noise. The lights come back on at 7 o’clock, and stay on for the rest of the day. Shortly after this I begin trying to get the phone to make the morning call to Lorri. It’s not always as easy as it sounds.



After I get the phone (if the battery isn’t dead) I call Lorri for 15 minutes. This is the part of my day which soothes and calms me. Her very nature is happiness, and I can’t get enough. I’m always starving for more, and when she answers the phone my first cry is often, “Where ere you?! I nearly died!” to which she responds, “I was right here, and I nearly died!” If someone were listening in on our phone calls they would hear nothing but love and silliness.



Those 15 minute calls to Lorri are the only real conversations I will have in a day. We may talk of Yo Yo Ma (my favorite musician of all time), Deepak Chopra, G.I. Gurdjieff, Balthus, Goya (my favorite artist), Thomas Hardy, dysfunctional families, or we may plan out what we will watch on television together that night. I say this is the only real conversation I will have because there aren’t many people you can actually talk to in prison. Your average prisoner has an I.Q. of 80. That’s only 10 points above retardation. Most can’t even speak English properly, use words they don’t know the meaning of in ways that make no sense, or make up their own words. There are no insane criminal genius types in here. No Hannibal Lecters. That’s only on television. The vast majority of the people on death row are either mentally retarded or mentally ill. You’re not going to find many people who can even follow the same train of thought for very long.



After Lorri and I reluctantly get off the phone I do my morning stretches. Most people seem to have the impression that I’m still a teenager, the kid they saw in “Paradise Lost.” I am definitely not. I’m a nearly 30 year old man whose health has seen better days. When I first et up in the morning my back and neck are a flaming agony. I can’t even bend over the sink to brush my teeth until I’ve done 5 or 10 minutes of stretching. The stress, this place, the worry, and the people I have to deal with have all taken a toll on me. For example, when you’re locked in a cell 24 hours a day, your eyes never focus on anything far away and it plays hell on your sight. I can now only see clearly for about 3 feet in front of me. My hearing isn’t as keen as it once was, either.



At this point I’ll usually sit down to write a letter or two, but lately that has been the exception to the rule because I’ve been writing non-stop on my memoir. It’s nearly complete, so I’ll soon go back to writing letters. I am so behind that I now have about 150 to 200 letters to write.



I take a break at 9:30, which is when they feed lunch. Prison food is as bad as it gets. The meat is often spoiled or so undercooked that it’s inedible, and the vegetables are never washed. They grow them here, and pick them themselves. I’ve actually found grasshoppers and crickets that had been cooked in the greens because no one cleaned them first. People have made it possible for me to be able to avoid most of it, by donating money to the commissary fund.



After lunch I do a few hundred crunches or sit- ups. It’s hard to stay in shape here, so I work out twice a day. Some people go “out,” but I see no point in it. They come by and ask if you want to go “outside.” If you say “yes,” they put your number on a list. When they come to get you they open a slot in the solid steel door (the same one they push your food through) and you stand with your back to it while they reach through and put chains on you. Once that’s done they open the door and take you to another concrete structure that looks like a cross between a horse stall and a grain silo. The inside is coated with bird feces because of the hordes of pigeons who got in and now call it home. The bugs are pretty bad, too. It’s filthy, and the space is even smaller than your cell. You can’t see anyone else, or carry on a conversation. The entire place echoes constantly with the screams of prisoners. I see no point in going out there, so I spend all my time in my cell. It was different before they moved us to this new prison. At the old place we actually went outside, and you could walk around talking to other people, or at least smelling the air. I haven’t felt the sun touch my skin in nearly a year now. You’re expected to live in complete and total isolation. Here, you’re mostly just ignored, sealed away, and forgotten.



After morning exercise I’ll try to do a little meditation. I don’t nearly as much done as I used to. At one point I was getting in up to 5 hours of meditation a day, but no more. Now, since I’ve started writing, I try to get in at least 30 minutes a day. On a good day I’ll get about 10 letters written, if I work non-stop. That doesn’t even put a dent in the load, but it allows me to thank at least a few people for their thoughts and support.



To relax I’ll put my headphones on and listen to music as I read for a while. I can’t take all the teenage angst crap that comes out these days under the title of “rock,” so I mostly listen to the classical station. I love Thomas Quasthoff. He’s a dwarf with the voice of a god. The first time I saw him was on P.B.S., singing 3 rare concert arias by Mozart. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and hearing. Any time I hear him come on the radio now I stop whatever I’m doing and give it my total attention. I also love to hear Hillary Hahn play anything, but especially Bach. I believe she’s the best violinist out there today, better than Joshua Bell by a mile.



As for what I read – everything. But my subject by far is history. I’m a history junkie. I used to think that I would want to major in psychology, but that was before I discovered history. Especially Military history – The Romans, WWI, WWII, Korea, Vietnam, the Civil War, etc. I love it all.



The second greatest time of the day for me comes at 6 o’clock – mail. That and talking to Lorri are the high points of my day, the things I look forward to. After reading it, I’ll do my second exercise period of the day. Sometimes I’ll do two or three hundred push-ups, other times I’ll run in place for 45 minutes to an hour. This may sound like a lot, but it’s really not when you consider it’s the only exercise I get. There’s no walking around all day for me. Exercise is followed by my nightly shower.



The shower here consists of a spout on the wall and a drain in the floor of my cell. Everything is soaked when you’re finished, so you have to get down on your hands and knees and mop up all the water with your towel. That’s the closest thing to cleaning supplies you will ever get.



After a shower I settle in for the evening. I may watch television if there’s anything on (We only have three channels.) or listen to the radio while reading or writing. Other than classical and opera, the only other music I really love are hair bands. There’s a radio station that comes on for two hours every Saturday night that I will never miss. They play Guns-N-Roses, Saigon Kick, Faster Pussycat, Kixx, L.A. Guns, Skid Row, etc. I’ll take that over Blink 90210 (or whoever the hell they are) any day. I just don’t understand why no one likes Iron Maiden anymore. Or Slayer. Or Pantera.



(editor’s note:I still have much affection for all of these bands. They are the heaviest metal from the truly great age of rock. My dream has always been to one day play Castle Donnington.)



I despise “American Idol.”



( editor’s note: I believe we can all agree on this.)



They turn off the lights at 10:30. If you could train yourself to fall asleep the second the lights went off, you’re still only going to get 4 and a half hours at the most. You can’t sleep straight through though, because you’re constantly awakened by slamming doors, schizophrenic inmates screaming, and rats trying to crawl into our bed as you sleep. The rats are fearless. The night before last I was awakened three times by rats crawling across my feet as they tried to reach a pack of crackers I was saving. The little bastards even chewed a hole in one of my good socks. I save my best ones to wear when Lorri comes every Friday, and now there’s a hole nibbled in one.



The only exception to my routine is Friday, when I get to spend 3 hours with my wife. From P.M. to 4 P.M. we’re locked in a cage together and left to amuse ourselves. Lorri can buy sodas, chips, and candy from a vending machine, and we have a picnic. Sort of. I nearly go into seizures of rapture when I take the first drink of Dr. Pepper, because I always forget how good they are. I can’t have them at any other time. We could buy them at the other prison, but here you drink nothing but water, water, and more water, unless you’re on a visit. It’s agony to have to say goodbye to each other every week after only three hours. It’s never enough.



That’s a typical day in my life, more or less. I’m certain I’ve left out 100 little details that I’ll remember later.



(editor’s note: Regrettably, I had to delete many portions of this letter, because I did not wish to endanger Damien, because he is not yet free, and the truth about where he is, what he deals with, the injustice and the inhumanity are incomprehensible. These revelations made public could far too easily place him in harm’s way. Those 100 little details, and more will be revealed, once justice is finally served.)



I’d better close for now and get busy. Busy taking a nap I desperately need. I’m sending love to you both, and we’ll talk soon.



Yours,
D