Comments on: Kids

By: 11 female celebrities who are happy without kids | YNaija

11 female celebrities who are happy without kids | YNaija — Fri, 10 May 2013 19:11:11 +0000

[...] wrote a blog post on her website in September 2012 about her conflicted feelings on kids. “I don’t have [...]

By: Maradoll in Cleveland

Maradoll in Cleveland — Mon, 10 Sep 2012 16:04:39 +0000

Hi, Margaret~it’s no secret that you and I are twins, and have been for some time. We spent our 20s and 30s in the same places and with the same people. I turned 40 with you, I am your same age now. I have had the same questions. I have agonized over the decision and your thoughts in this blog resonate heavily with me. Once again, you have acknowledged my lone struggle and helped me put those cards out on the table, since no one else ever wants to discuss the possibility of making the decision to NOT have children. Here’s my thoughts on the matter. When I get down to the crux of my thinking, I have worked very hard on myself thru the years. I’ve come to a point where I like myself finally. The way I am. So, to make a decision to try and change that makes me hesitant. My first inclination, and first answer to the question, has always been: No. Not just any “no,” but a resounding one. I don’t want kids. I’ve never craved them. I have always known that, even though everyone is telling me that I’m precisely the sort of enlightened person who SHOULD have kids! and that I would make an excellent mother! But that’s b/c I’m a careful person who doesn’t believe in biting off more than she can chew. I’m a super sensitive soul and, although I have finally won the right attitude, I have to struggle through this world and the other people in it. Having children would connect me with a lot of those other people I don’t want to deal with, and many processes within the SYSTEM that I would have to deal with, and that definitely factors into my decision, personally. I am also the sort of person who follows my dreams no matter what people tell me~ and, if I ever wanted kids, I would have had them before now. I am only even considering it now for more than 5 seconds, because I feel like it’s come to the end where I HAVE to make an OFFICIAL decision. Honestly, I like being in the land of Peter Pan, where things are finally under control for me. Halfway thru life, I frankly don’t know if I want to play the struggling game anymore. Maybe I’ll just continue being the kid myself? That’s something I know I can do. However, I know that you could be a wonderful parent, just like me, so I’ll be waiting to see what you decide. Whatever decision you make will be the right one. I love you!! See you in Cleveland, OH on 10/5/12!! xo ~Mara p.s. I hope my thoughts didn’t confuse you even more~just wanted to add them into your cachet…

By: Detlef

Detlef — Sun, 09 Sep 2012 09:47:41 +0000

This was a very brave and revealing thing to write.

By the way, people like you should have a baby. You’d be a great mom. The world needs more moms like you.

By: Heej

Heej — Sat, 08 Sep 2012 04:52:41 +0000

Yet further proof we may be long lost twins. This post resonates with every bone in my 36-year-old body, but… I just can’t stop thinking about that yummy rice cake, or as you call it, a gay pride flag made of carbs. You kill me, lady. In all sorts of amazing ways.

By: Veg

Veg — Sat, 08 Sep 2012 03:54:10 +0000

You’re cool you are.

By: Chip Souza

Chip Souza — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 14:55:19 +0000

Have a kid, Margaret.. It’ll be the hardest thing you ever did, yet the most rewarding. I like your comedy a lot. Good Luck Dragon Fly!

By: tim

tim — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 06:39:41 +0000

I fully understand and relate to your feelings about kids and the fear of altering them in some way with some small look or exclamation. I regret that I’ve felt that way for so long that I’ve allowed it to become a habit and now I’m a complete and often negative mess around kids. God, don’t let that happen to you!

By: Joy

Joy — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 06:02:11 +0000

this is a great post. I laughed and I teared up. Being a Mom is terrifying and it is exhilarating. I sometimes feel like the accidental mother. And I loved what you said about your Mom.

By: Micky

Micky — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 20:18:49 +0000

Dear Margaret, there was a time in my life when I agonized over this – should I have a child or not? I was approaching 40 and was feeling that if I didn’t then, that was it. Everybody around me was telling me that I should do it, what a great mother I’d be etc. After weeks of “staring at the ceiling” thinking about it, it hit me: if I really-really wanted a child, I wouldn’t have to think about it. So I guess the rule “when in doubt, better not” applies here too.

By: Latrice

Latrice — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 16:14:49 +0000

This post really resonates with me. I felt the same way for most of my childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood. I’m Korean, but raised in an African American family. I have so many issues with my mother, with love, and abandonment. I questioned whether I even had a maternal instinct at all since I did not have a maternal presence in my life. Then I was married and after 10 years, I took a leap of faith. First time out the gate and I had TWINS. I was mortified that I was inadequate and ill-equipped to care for one baby, let alone two. Fast forward 3 1//2 years and another baby later. I have 3 toddlers under the age of 4. I’m not the best mom, but I’m the best mom I can be, and having them has opened parts of my heart that I did not know existed. Loving them so completely has reconciled open wounds that never healed in my heart. Loving them gives me the chance to be the mother to them that I so longed for when I was a young child. I still feel like the “me” before I was a mother but I am so much more now. The responsibility of raising children is overwhelming and scary at times, but it gives me a reason to really care about the future. Becoming a mother didn’t make me whole. It made me heal.