Self Defense
I was driving on the 80 east, just after another wondrous day at an incredible dance workshop. The whole day was spent sweating it out with all these gorgeous women, feeling powerful and beautiful and incredibly alive, so I probably wasn’t as aware of my surroundings as I should have been, but I was in my car, driving down a crowded freeway at 4 in the afternoon, so I felt relatively safe. It is incredible how quickly the illusion of safety can fade. It reminds me that we are never truly safe anywhere, not ever.
Suddenly, a small, navy blue car pulled directly behind mine. It was way too close for comfort, but I didn’t move out of my lane because of the heavy traffic. I could have, but I also didn’t want to. My gut instinct was to move out of the way, that there was something wrong with the situation, but I was tired from dancing and after a whole day of honoring the goddess within me I wasn’t about to be intimidated by some guy who wanted me to get out of his lane.
Initially, it wasn’t clear to me that the other driver was doing anything too out of the ordinary. There were lots of cars in close proximity, and just because his car was in very, very, very close proximity, it didn’t seem that threatening at first. He just seemed like an alpha male asshole. It didn’t seem weird until he started to hit my car. He was lightly, ever so gently (?!), hitting the back of my car with his. I wouldn’t have known it if I hadn’t been watching him, because it was causing my car to push ever so slightly forward with each bump, an almost imperceptible extra movement. I looked at him in my rear view mirror, and he was smiling, laughing, that mean male smile that is all too familiar to all women who have been victim to male aggression. I tried going faster, but I now couldn’t move over because of the jammed traffic on the lanes on both sides. There was a little room in front of me, so I stepped on the gas, and he accelerated with me, happily hitting the back of my car as we sped along, now at almost 30 mph. This dangerous game had to end, and with one hand I searched for my cell phone in my purse, as my eyes darted around to the other drivers around me, oblivious to this insane yet somewhat subtle form of vehicular assault happening right in front of them. I tried to speed faster, just so that I could get a look at his license plate, but he was so close I couldn’t see the bottom of his car in the rear view mirror. I got a couple of glimpses of it, but I was so freaked out I couldn’t focus and get the numbers and letters straight in my head besides the fact that they were reversed in the mirror. I couldn’t even identify the make and model of the car. I grabbed my phone out of the dark, cluttered recesses of my purse, and was about to dial 911 when the traffic cleared away in front of me, and I drove like hell to get away from him. His car lurched forward and stalled, and smoke billowed out of the hood. He got out and ran across the lanes of moving vehicles, angry motorists honking in vain behind him. I was almost laughing as I watched the threatening car disappear behind me in a haze of honking cars and smoke and freeway and relief.
When I got out of the car to survey the damage, there weren’t any visible marks, but it did leave a lasting impression on me that the world is not a safe place, and my level of awareness is not where it should be when it comes to personal security. I need to start watching where I am going and what I am doing, being much more careful and listening to my intuition. I should have moved out of his way at the beginning, but I was a little cocky from class, and I didn’t wish to appear ‘weak.’ I need to be able to mentally photograph license plate numbers, even reversed in the rear view mirror. This is the second time my nerves have gotten the best of me when trying to do this. I was a victim of a hit and run accident when another car swerved into me and then quickly weaved its way out of the terrible traffic we were both trapped in. I had several seconds to look at the license plate, both backwards and forwards, from close and far away, but I was so flustered I couldn’t remember what they were. I am going to practice just looking at license plates and remembering them. I need to take self defense classes, along with all my dance classes, so that I can continue dancing for a long, long time. Being careful doesn’t mean we are weak, it means we are smart and realistic about the world we live in. I take lots of precautions when I travel to other countries and yet for some reason I constantly forget that I live in one of the most dangerous places in the world. Let’s protect each other. Please send me your safety tips, and your stories and I will post them so that we can share our wisdom.
April 6th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Came across this a terribly long time after you posted it, just sort of researching female comedians for the first time for my own edification. You’re incomparably nifty.
To the reason I’m commenting: I’ve been in a few car accidents, and I’m proud of myself for the way I can now calmly tell the driver to “jesus, stop!” or “Watch the light!” Instead of incoherent gasping or screaming or other less-comforting involuntary reactions.
There’s a moment of sheer panic that comes from life-threatening situations, that I’m sure you’re familiar with. In the beginning, it’s uncontrollable: you *must* react. But paramedics deal with this kind of thing, too, and with enough practice, I’m sure you’ll do it.
It might be more helpful to try and look at the license plates while you’re dancing, while your body is occupied in some way, than it would to just study them at a desk or something. But, not being an educational therapist, I’m just being intuitive.
September 9th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Looks like this was a very beneficial wake up call. No one should take their safety for granted.
Being aware of your surroundings is step #1 and step #2 is always following your gut instincts.
Another self defense tip is to mentally prepare for any situation you may find yourself in. Pick a situation and then think about how you should react. Play it over and over in your mind until you feel mentally ready. In the event the unthinkable occurs you will quickly react without panic.
Also, I believe every woman, in particular, should have some sort of self protection product like a pepper spray or at least an electronic whistle alarm. They should know how to use the item and always have it at the ready when they are in vulnerable situations.
Be safe, not sorry.