Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

I Want To Steam Up Those Glasses

Thursday, September 18th, 2008

I am not voting for McCain. I hope that is obvious. I am sick of everyone saying – “He was a good soldier. He was a good soldier.”

Um yeah. He was captured.

So he was not that good.

And now with Sarah Palin at his side, they have actually become the worst ticket imaginable. The only way it could be worse would be if Satan were running with Chuck Norris as his VP. Actually, Lucifer-Norris sounds better than McCain-Palin.

But even though I would never, ever vote for Palin, I am kind of obsessed with fucking her. She is sexy and hot in a MILF/Cougar way. Like you could have that real mature, straight to the point, adult, over forty, gonna cum multiple times with a big, oversize t-shirt on and nothing else and “I don’t care what I look like cuz I am gonna bust nuts in your curl” kind of fucking with her. I want to steam up those glasses and show her what a pitbull with lipstick really needs – doggy style!

Seriously – I wanna eat her Alaskan pussy from behind. Like an Eskimo. What?! I’m just trying to keep warm!

Although you know that thing is frozen and my tongue would probably stick.

palin.jpg

I’m a Christian, you Fuckers

Wednesday, September 17th, 2008

All kinds of Christians are getting mad about my Sarah Palin comments, and it is pissing me off.

First of all – you fucking fake Christians - don’t fucking question my Christianity. I grew up in the church. My grandfather was a minister, who is with God now and talks to me in my dreams from God’s corner office. I am a former Sunday school teacher. I taught the Bible to children and showed them how to love God and invite him into their hearts. I believe in God – but I don’t fear him. God is my best friend. God is my ally. God is my boyfriend. God is my best fag. I am God’s fag hag cuz didn’t you know, God is a big fag. Serious bottom too. Butch in the streets, femme in the sheets. That is my God. God is my biggest fan. God gets me, dude.

God wants us all to just get along. He doesn’t give a shit about the profanity. The bitch fucking invented profanity. He thinks it is hilarious. He just wants you to talk to him, and he doesn’t care what you have to say. He just wants to keep the conversation going. Like Jay-Z, he just wants to love you. He just wants you to be able to make your own decisions. God is all about you and what you need. God is happy that you are gay. God made you fucking gay cuz he thinks it is awesome. God understands if you need to have an abortion. That is why he created abortion, on the 8th day. God accepts. God forgives. God loves all of us, even though some of us might have a problem with each other.

Don’t fucking question my Christianity you fucking idiot assholes. If you continue to have a problem, then talk to God about it, not me, you fucking racist homophobic misogynist fake Christian shitheads. God thinks it is funny that I swear so much. He said I could use his name in vain or whatever. He just wants me to use it. He loves me. So fuck you. And I guess he loves you too. Even though you are fake Christian assholes. If you were truly Christians, you would let gays get married, and send them fucking presents from Bed Bath and Beyond!

If you truly believed in Jesus, you would try to be like him and love us, fags and dykes and feminists all. God bless you, even you. You fucking fuckers.

Palin

Friday, September 12th, 2008

At first I thought Sarah Palin was some kind of Republican pandering – a misguided attempt to woo Hillary voters over to the dark side, as if they believed women voters were so stupid that they would vote for anyone in skirt, but now I see that she is much, much worse.

I have nothing against hockey moms – I just don’t want to be one. If Sarah Palin had her way, she would take away that right not to be a mom. She wants to outlaw abortion – so to call her a feminist is as laughable as calling evangelicals ‘Christians.’ They shouldn’t have the right to call themselves Christian, for they have no Christ-like attributes. I am a feminist and a Christian – and when I see Sarah Palin – I see neither. And it is official. She is evil. I saw on Violet Blue’s awesome blog that Sarah Palin forced rape victims to pay for their own forensic exams.

This is serious and bad.

Again, with gratitude (and Sarah Palin video magic)

Thursday, September 11th, 2008

This is awesome!!!!

From: Sara Benincasa
Sent: Tuesday, September 09, 2008
To: margaretcho
Subject: Again, with gratitude (and Sarah Palin video magic)

Hi Margaret:

I wrote to you two years ago when I had first started doing stand-up, and you did me the kindness of posting the email on your blog. The fact that you posted my message meant so much to me, not in the least because it brought new friends my way and added to my resolve to continue doing comedy.

I was a high school teacher back when I wrote to you. It wasn’t what I really wanted to do. What I really wanted to do was write, perform, and make people laugh.

Today, I host a nightly show about sex on Sirius, and I contribute to MTV’s 2008 Choose or Lose coverage. And for the past few weeks, I’ve been doing a series of fake Sarah Palin vlogs with my comedy partner, Diana Saez. The first video alone has garnered over 150,000 hits, as well as being featured on Wonkette, Comedy Central’s Indecision 2008 blog, Politico, and a bunch of other sites. Newsweek.com interviewed me last week and I just did an interview with the Washington Post this evening. Wolf Blitzer showed a clip from one video on CNN’s “Situation Room.” He is now our boyfriend forever, in our minds. But, most importantly, a field organizer with the Obama campaign down South wrote me the following note:

Dear Sara,

Thank you for making your Sarah Palin Vlogs.

I am a Field Organizer for the Obama campaign. I have shown your Sarah Palin to all of my friends and everyone, EVERYONE, loves them.

As you might imagine, we work very hard on the campaign. We work from 9AM to 10PM pretty much every day, seven days a week. Your Vlogs are great for morale.

Keep up the funny stuff.

I don’t write to ask you to post the videos on your blog or anything like that. I just wanted to let you know that in a very real way, your posting that fan letter back in ‘06 contributed to my feeling good about the fact that I had decided to give comedy a real try. And I know you post lots of fan-mail, and I think that’s awesome. It must seem like a small gesture, but it can really mean a lot.

The first Sarah Palin vlog is here
(and there are seven others). If you have time to watch it, I hope you enjoy my personal interpretation of the greatest single role model our country has ever known. And I’m looking forward to seeing your show at Radio City.

Shooting a moose from a helicopter,
Sara Benincasa

SaraBenincasa.com
http://think.mtv.com/SaraBenincasaNY
http://www.youtube.com/SaraBenincasa

The new Obama video by Dave Stewart

Friday, August 22nd, 2008

omg I got to do this video… so cool!!

When I Think of Tibet

Friday, March 28th, 2008

As the weeks go by and tensions and violence escalate in Tibet, it makes me more and more anxious. Tibet is a beautiful, mysterious country. I visited many years ago, and although there were always problems (I remember one incident when my travel party was delayed for several hours because of public executions!!) it was much calmer than it is now.

There isn’t enough air, which makes everyone who is just visiting a little high. To add to the trippy nature of the place, pretty much every site is religious. Even the graffiti is of different incarnations of Buddha – painted all over the sides of mountain rocks. If you felt sick, you were encouraged to meditate on the cool, indigo blue medicine Buddha, the deity whose color reminded me of the Milk of Magnesia bottle, whose image would soothe, coat and relieve as you pondered upon it. Tibet has the most challenging toilets in the world. I have been everywhere and I can attest to that! Hands down, Tibet is the number one worst place to go number 2.

But to counter that, Tibet has the best looking people in the world. They are Asian but with light eyes! Like green and blue! So everyone kind of looks like they are wearing contacts but they are not. I remember sitting in the courtyard of the Drepung monastery, watching all the gorgeously hot monks draped in their deep red robes, flinging their prayer beads at each other as they argued about philosophy while trying to steal looks at us at the same time. I know you aren’t supposed to hit on celibate people so I just sat on my hands the whole time and tried not to make eye contact for more than three seconds. Girl, it was hard!

I also loved the dog monastery, a special temple for wayward monks who have reincarnated into dogs. The grounds are covered in dogs of every size and shape and breed and hue, silently pondering the cycle of birth and rebirth. Squirming litters of puppies wriggle underneath their dog mothers and their distinguished elders nap in the patches of sun breaking through the clouds. There is no barking, no howling, no fighting, and miracles of miracles – no poo! – nothing but the quiet mediation of dogs and monks. You are allowed to feed the dogs small pieces of dough, and they actually wait in line! When I think of Tibet, I remember the politeness of the dogs, pulling back their dog lips and ever so gently taking the food from my hand with their open teeth, not wanting to bite my hand accidentally and then looking warmly into my eyes with a silent thanks. The thought of rioting and looting and blood in the streets there is too painful to comprehend.

This entry is cross-posted at The Huffington Post

A More Perfect Union

Thursday, March 20th, 2008

I think Barack Obama really delivered an awesome speech on race. He took a potentially very difficult situation with comments made by his pastor, and turned it all around into another amazing opportunity for him to shine, which makes me think he is a Jedi.

Reverend Wright

Wednesday, March 19th, 2008

I think too much is being made about Barack Obama’s pastor, Rev. Wright’s controversial comments. Firstly, they were made by Rev. Wright, not Obama, and they are not all that inflammatory, as far as I can tell. When you have religious leaders regularly spreading hatred against homosexuals by falsely representing the Gospel, why then is someone demanding that America answer to its racist policies considered a big deal? I prefer Rev. Wright’s angry words to the homophobia I regularly witness on Sunday morning television. Also, Obama said that he was not aware of all the statements made by Rev. Wright, which I believe. I mean, who really listens in church? I don’t! It’s boring! That is why I don’t go!

High Class Hoes

Tuesday, March 18th, 2008

This whole Spitzer scandal is amazing, but what I find the most incredible is how expensive the prostitutes were. Up to $31,000 a day! That rules! Talk about HIGH CLASS HOES!! That is some pricey pussy and I hope it was worth it. Damn! It must be lined with chinchilla and diamonds. (7 to be exact! Ow! Rough edges!) That is a solid platinum cunt. Like something you see in SKYMALL - you are not really paying for just the pussy, you are paying for shipping and insurance. That is really cool! I have much respect for hoes. I wish I had thought to charge. I was usually so fucked up back then, when I was spreading it for the masses, I would just say, “Oh – um. Uh, alright…”

I could have had a credit card machine! I am thinking maybe I should bill people now for it.

Because he’s black?

Wednesday, March 12th, 2008

I am disappointed by Geraldine Ferraro. I always thought she was cool! That sucks that she thinks that the only reason Barack Obama is where he is today is because he’s black! It reminds me of when I started, comics were jealous of my early success, and they would say, “Oh, the only reason she’s gotten anywhere is because she is Korean.” Omg – as if!! Yeah, right. Because Hollywood has had such a long standing love affair with Korean comics!

Sexism is bad too – yes. That is a big problem as well, but it shouldn’t have to be a contest. Who gets oppressed more?! It all sucks. All I know is that people of color and women both have to work exponentially harder at everything in order to get ahead. To act as if color or gender is some kind of advantage in this extremely racist and sexist country is delusional. Racism exists, sexism exists – the people who are saying it doesn’t are in denial.

We’re Listening

Tuesday, March 11th, 2008

This is appalling. And it isn’t some crazy backwoods religious nut. This is an elected official! This kind of hate speech is intolerable. I don’t know why people think there is some kind of homosexual agenda. I have been around the whole world of homosexuality for a long time now and I have yet to hear about an agenda. And what is this indoctrination she is talking about? I never got indoctrinated! I feel left out! Basically these are the insane busybodies who have been pissed off ever since “HEE HAW” was canceled. I wish they would just go back into the cornfield.

This is a lot worse than frequenting prostitutes. Somebody in Oklahoma really needs to resign.

Check out the Victory Fund, who put the video together. They are going to be in the lobby at some of the stops on my tour, so make sure you visit them!

It’s 3am!

Saturday, March 8th, 2008

It is 3am and the phone is ringing. Who do you want picking up the phone?

Well, if someone is calling me at 3am, then usually, they are looking for some ass. I don’t think that I will be picking it up, unless I am somehow craving ass at that particular hour, which I usually am not. I am more of a 3pm ass person than a 3am ass person, because I have to work. So whoever I vote for – I am hoping that person will not be looking for ass at 3am because that wouldn’t be so great for the country, with the exception of Bill Clinton who you know was looking for ass all the time (not that this would have anything to do with Hillary Clinton – really – she is a smart lady so I am sure at that hour she would be sleeping like any sensible Senator). Bill Clinton probably answered the ass phone at all hours but he still managed to get a lot of stuff done and be a good president. I would go so far as to say he was a good ass president.

Anyway, I don’t know about who’s gonna call you at 3am if it isn’t ass related.

That’s My Middle Name; Don’t Wear It Out

Friday, February 29th, 2008

The bitch is back and I am not talking about Elton John. I just saw Karl “The Bitch” Rove on FOX warning conservatives not to harp on Barack Obama’s middle name because it perpetuates the widespread (and accurate) assumption that conservatives are bigoted. I think that Bill Cunningham’s racist and inflammatory comments over Obama’s middle name are the worst thing yet to happen to John McCain’s campaign, because McCain not only had to denounce Cunningham, he also had to apologize on his behalf! Then Cunningham got all crazy furious about it and called John McCain “John Juan Pablo McCain” and then said he was backing Hillary Rodham Clinton!

I’m thrilled to watch everyone screaming about middle names and Cunningham trying to dodge being called a racist. This whole middle name issue is very simple underneath all the spin and the doublespeak. People like Cunningham are trying to speak to and for those misguided and unfortunate few in our country who believe that America is supposed to be for white people, and that immigrants should always watch their back because no matter how big our dreams are, no matter what we are able to accomplish, no matter how high we fly, we will never be ‘true’ Americans. He’s trying to say that since white people ‘founded’ this country, the only people who are allowed to run it should be white people. He is clearly a white supremacist, but he’s too chickenshit to actually come out and say, “Go back to where you came from!” so instead, he keeps pointing out the non-white ethnic names to make his point that we don’t belong. He’s a Klansman in ‘too sheepish to actually admit it’ clothing! And it’s great because it makes everyone assume all Republicans are like that!! ha ha ha!!! Bill Cunningham is so wrong, and what is truly awesome is he is taking down the whole Republican party with him.

Open Letter From Hillary Clinton To The LGBT Community

Friday, February 29th, 2008

From Clinton, this is great too:

“As I have traveled around the country these past twelve months, what I sensed in my heart has been confirmed – America is embracing its LGBT sons and daughters with an acceptance and understanding as never before. On the campaign trail, a father of a gay son will ask about ending Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. A woman will ask why she can be discriminated against just because of who she is. Sometimes they wait furtively for the crowd to thin and then whisper their confidences in a soft voice and sometimes they stand up proudly at town meetings and want me to share my views on how I will help lead the change to assure that this country fulfills its promise to everyone.

Let me tell you what I have been telling voters across America. I am fully committed to the fair and equal treatment of LGBT Americans. For seven long years, the Bush Administration has tried to divide us - only seeing people who matter to them. It’s been a government of the few, by the few, and for the few. And no community has been more invisible to this administration than the LGBT community.

I will change that. The best evidence of what I will do as President is what I have already done.

I am proud of my record as First Lady, as a U.S. Senator and as a candidate for President in working toward the fair and equal treatment of LGBT Americans.

· I am proud that as Chair of the Senate Democratic Steering and Outreach Committee in 2006, I worked closely with LBGT community to develop a smart strategy that defeated the Federal Marriage Amendment. I am proud of fighting the FMA as divisive wedge politics at its worst.

· I am proud to be a co-sponsor of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, the Matthew Shepard Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act, and the Domestic Partnership Benefits and Obligation Act which would grant the same benefits (including health insurance) to domestic partners of federal employees that are currently offered to employees’ legal spouses.

· I am proud to have authored the Early Treatment for HIV Act, which expands access to vital treatment options for low-income individuals living with HIV, and fought to fully fund the Ryan White CARE Act.

· I am proud that I hired a National Director of LGBT Outreach within a month of announcing my candidacy for President and to have openly gay and lesbian staffers serving at all levels of my campaign.

· I am proud to have a National LGBT Steering Committee of over 130 that includes openly LGBT elected officials, Board members and opinion leaders on issues ranging from transgender rights, to HIV/AIDS, to “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”.

· I am proud to have marched in Gay Pride parades as both First Lady and as Senator and to have spoken in front of so many LGBT audiences ranging from the Human Rights Campaign, Empire State Pride Agenda, the Hetrick Martin Institute, PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), GMHC (Gay Men’s Health Crisis), and the American Foundation for AIDS Research.

· I am proud to have fought Republican efforts to demonize and marginalize the LGBT community, and I will continue to do that as President.

We have so much work to do. When I am President, we will work together to make sure that all Americans in committed relationships have equal benefits and that nothing stands in the way of loving couples who want to adopt children in need. We’re going to expand our federal hate crimes legislation and pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act and assure that they are both fully inclusive of all people. And finally, we will put an end to the failed policy of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Courage, honor, patriotism and sacrifice – the traits that define our men and women in uniform – have nothing to do with sexual orientation.

My father was a conservative Republican, who held very traditional views for much of his life. Yet in his last years, it was a gay couple who lived next door who provided much of the compassion and comfort he and my mother needed as he grew ill. And it was that same neighbor who held his hand as he died. If my father can move, America can move.

To each and every LGBT American, I say this. You have done so much to help this country understand your lives by simply being open and honest about who you are and living your lives with dignity. Thank you for your courage. It is time that we recognize your hard work. I know that this country is ready for changes in the law that reflect the evolution in our hearts.

America deserves a President who appeals to the best in each of us, not the worst; a President who values and respects all Americans and treats all Americans equally no matter who they are or who they love. I want to be that President. I want to be your President.”

Open Letter From Barack Obama To The LGBT Community

Thursday, February 28th, 2008

Here is a message from Obama to all of us!

“I’m running for President to build an America that lives up to our founding promise of equality for all – a promise that extends to our gay brothers and sisters. It’s wrong to have millions of Americans living as second-class citizens in this nation. And I ask for your support in this election so that together we can bring about real change for all LGBT Americans.

Equality is a moral imperative. That’s why throughout my career, I have fought to eliminate discrimination against LGBT Americans. In Illinois, I co-sponsored a fully inclusive bill that prohibited discrimination on the basis of both sexual orientation and gender identity, extending protection to the workplace, housing, and places of public accommodation. In the U.S. Senate, I have co-sponsored bills that would equalize tax treatment for same-sex couples and provide benefits to domestic partners of federal employees. And as president, I will place the weight of my administration behind the enactment of the Matthew Shepard Act to outlaw hate crimes and a fully inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act to outlaw workplace discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity.

As your President, I will use the bully pulpit to urge states to treat same-sex couples with full equality in their family and adoption laws. I personally believe that civil unions represent the best way to secure that equal treatment. But I also believe that the federal government should not stand in the way of states that want to decide on their own how best to pursue equality for gay and lesbian couples — whether that means a domestic partnership, a civil union, or a civil marriage. Unlike Senator Clinton, I support the complete repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) – a position I have held since before arriving in the U.S. Senate. While some say we should repeal only part of the law, I believe we should get rid of that statute altogether. Federal law should not discriminate in any way against gay and lesbian couples, which is precisely what DOMA does. I have also called for us to repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and I have worked to improve the Uniting American Families Act so we can afford same-sex couples the same rights and obligations as married couples in our immigration system.

The next president must also address the HIV/AIDS epidemic. When it comes to prevention, we do not have to choose between values and science. While abstinence education should be part of any strategy, we also need to use common sense. We should have age-appropriate sex education that includes information about contraception. We should pass the JUSTICE Act to combat infection within our prison population. And we should lift the federal ban on needle exchange, which could dramatically reduce rates of infection among drug users. In addition, local governments can protect public health by distributing contraceptives.

We also need a president who’s willing to confront the stigma – too often tied to homophobia – that continues to surround HIV/AIDS. I confronted this stigma directly in a speech to evangelicals at Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church, and will continue to speak out as president. That is where I stand on the major issues of the day. But having the right positions on the issues is only half the battle. The other half is to win broad support for those positions. And winning broad support will require stepping outside our comfort zone. If we want to repeal DOMA, repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and implement fully inclusive laws outlawing hate crimes and discrimination in the workplace, we need to bring the message of LGBT equality to skeptical audiences as well as friendly ones – and that’s what I’ve done throughout my career. I brought this message of inclusiveness to all of America in my keynote address at the 2004 Democratic convention. I talked about the need to fight homophobia when I announced my candidacy for President, and I have been talking about LGBT equality to a number of groups during this campaign – from local LGBT activists to rural farmers to parishioners at Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, where Dr. Martin Luther King once preached.

Just as important, I have been listening to what all Americans have to say. I will never compromise on my commitment to equal rights for all LGBT Americans. But neither will I close my ears to the voices of those who still need to be convinced. That is the work we must do to move forward together. It is difficult. It is challenging. And it is necessary.

Americans are yearning for leadership that can empower us to reach for what we know is possible. I believe that we can achieve the goal of full equality for the millions of LGBT people in this country. To do that, we need leadership that can appeal to the best parts of the human spirit. Join with me, and I will provide that leadership. Together, we will achieve real equality for all Americans, gay and straight alike.”


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