I haven’t seen the new film “21″ but I don’t plan to, which hurts a little, because I am a big Kevin Spacey fan. I liked him since he came to my 23rd birthday party with Jason Gould. The story of “21″ is based on a true one, about a group of Asian American kids who take card counting to another level and beat the house at their own game. It is a cool story about Asian Americans, and even though there are a couple of great young Asian actors in the cast of the film, they are only in minor supporting roles. Hollywood for some reason didn’t think that the film would be “marketable” enough with people who looked like the people who the story is actually fucking about! So because of this - the leads in the film are white!!!

That is right - the story, which was one about Asian American kids sticking it to the man has been stolen right from under us and given to white people. This makes me so fucking furious I can’t believe it. It makes me “railroad” mad. No fuck that – it makes me fucking “internment camp” mad. It is like they made a film about building the railroad or being in an internment camp and cast white people in it. It is up there with the casting of David Carradine instead of Bruce Lee in “Kung Fu” but it is actually worse because there was at least a slight attempt to make David Carradine seem chinky – well actually - I don’t know – what is worse? Yellowface or outright non-inclusion? Is it better to be made into a caricature or just plain invisible?

Hollywood is still racist, and even though there are a few more Asians out there making great television and movies and music and art - it just isn’t enough. I am a huge “Grey’s Anatomy” fan, and even though I think Katherine Heigl is totally hot and beautiful and a killer actress and Patrick Dempsey is truly McDreamy - to me, the real star of that show is Sandra Oh. She absolutely lights up the screen. I want to cry with pride and elation and excitement every time I see her. Here is someone who is so talented that she was able to transcend racial barriers - these weird ideas that Hollywood still hangs onto that Asian Americans can’t tell stories that aren’t directly related to their asian-ness – but Sandra, she is so good no one and nothing could stop her. I just keep thinking about that one scene when Burke leaves her at the altar and she is crying and pulling off her wedding dress. Don’t even act like you didn’t cry. I am crying just thinking about it. Omg - she rules. She is gorgeous and sexy and such a gifted amazing actress and I want to see her in some big blockbuster movie about a wedding sometime too!

Until that movie comes out I am going to make myself happy with Harold and Kumar 2…

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I think Barack Obama really delivered an awesome speech on race. He took a potentially very difficult situation with comments made by his pastor, and turned it all around into another amazing opportunity for him to shine, which makes me think he is a Jedi.

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I think too much is being made about Barack Obama’s pastor, Rev. Wright’s controversial comments. Firstly, they were made by Rev. Wright, not Obama, and they are not all that inflammatory, as far as I can tell. When you have religious leaders regularly spreading hatred against homosexuals by falsely representing the Gospel, why then is someone demanding that America answer to its racist policies considered a big deal? I prefer Rev. Wright’s angry words to the homophobia I regularly witness on Sunday morning television. Also, Obama said that he was not aware of all the statements made by Rev. Wright, which I believe. I mean, who really listens in church? I don’t! It’s boring! That is why I don’t go!

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I am disappointed by Geraldine Ferraro. I always thought she was cool! That sucks that she thinks that the only reason Barack Obama is where he is today is because he’s black! It reminds me of when I started, comics were jealous of my early success, and they would say, “Oh, the only reason she’s gotten anywhere is because she is Korean.” Omg – as if!! Yeah, right. Because Hollywood has had such a long standing love affair with Korean comics!

Sexism is bad too – yes. That is a big problem as well, but it shouldn’t have to be a contest. Who gets oppressed more?! It all sucks. All I know is that people of color and women both have to work exponentially harder at everything in order to get ahead. To act as if color or gender is some kind of advantage in this extremely racist and sexist country is delusional. Racism exists, sexism exists – the people who are saying it doesn’t are in denial.

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The bitch is back and I am not talking about Elton John. I just saw Karl “The Bitch” Rove on FOX warning conservatives not to harp on Barack Obama’s middle name because it perpetuates the widespread (and accurate) assumption that conservatives are bigoted. I think that Bill Cunningham’s racist and inflammatory comments over Obama’s middle name are the worst thing yet to happen to John McCain’s campaign, because McCain not only had to denounce Cunningham, he also had to apologize on his behalf! Then Cunningham got all crazy furious about it and called John McCain “John Juan Pablo McCain” and then said he was backing Hillary Rodham Clinton!

I’m thrilled to watch everyone screaming about middle names and Cunningham trying to dodge being called a racist. This whole middle name issue is very simple underneath all the spin and the doublespeak. People like Cunningham are trying to speak to and for those misguided and unfortunate few in our country who believe that America is supposed to be for white people, and that immigrants should always watch their back because no matter how big our dreams are, no matter what we are able to accomplish, no matter how high we fly, we will never be ‘true’ Americans. He’s trying to say that since white people ‘founded’ this country, the only people who are allowed to run it should be white people. He is clearly a white supremacist, but he’s too chickenshit to actually come out and say, “Go back to where you came from!” so instead, he keeps pointing out the non-white ethnic names to make his point that we don’t belong. He’s a Klansman in ‘too sheepish to actually admit it’ clothing! And it’s great because it makes everyone assume all Republicans are like that!! ha ha ha!!! Bill Cunningham is so wrong, and what is truly awesome is he is taking down the whole Republican party with him.

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Check this article out.

CNN received dozens of e-mails shortly after posting the story, which focuses largely on conversations about Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama that a CNN reporter observed at a hair salon in South Carolina whose customers are predominantly African-American.

The story states: “For these women, a unique, and most unexpected dilemma, presents itself: Should they vote their race, or should they vote their gender?”

An e-mailer named Tiffany responded sarcastically: “Duh, I’m a black woman and here I am at the voting booth. Duh, since I’m illiterate I’ll pull down the lever for someone. Hm… Well, he black so I may vote for him… oh wait she a woman I may vote for her… What Ise gon’ do? Oh lordy!”

I too am insulted at the idea that just because I am a person of color and a woman that I should be expected to automatically vote for Obama or Hillary. Why are white men allowed to look at the issues and judge for themselves and the rest of us are expected to take sides grade school style? That is racist and sexist and dumb. That is like if all the stupid people voted for Huckabee (please God let this not happen).

Still, I believe Obama and Hillary the best candidates. I just think overall there are too many people running. It is like a reality show. It’s like “America’s Next Top President.” Why don’t we just let Tyra decide? But then again she’d run into the same problem as Oprah. I hate that people are saying that Oprah is some kind of gender traitor because she is backing Obama. Don’t even talk about Oprah unless you want to fight. I got a brick in my purse so watch it (remember ladies – something heavy inside something light = weapon). I think it is wonderful that Oprah is getting involved in politics. It is brave and exciting and gives me lots of hope for the future.

I think that is what I love about Obama – he represents hope. I would not be voting for him just because I am a person of color. Race has so little to do with it! He is all about change – a new beginning. His youthful optimism appeals to me and his hope for the future enthralls me and these issues transcend race completely. I would be voting for Hillary because she has already been president for 8 years and did an awesome job. So my choice really for the next President is going to be very well thought out; I am between Barack and a familiar face.

Guess what America! People of color and women think! Just like white men! For reals!!!

This entry is cross-posted at The Huffington Post

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I got some excellent fan mail over the weekend:

“you need to get her to be more fan based oriented like actually talking to us and doing auto graphs she ignored us and ran off stage after wouldn’t talk to any one or do pictures and auto graphs…with out her fans she be doing nothing but laundry right now.”

And then I saw this youtube video of Hillary getting heckled by a guy screaming “Iron my shirt!!!”

That’s a weird way to try to bring down women. Threaten them with laundry! Why is laundry an insult? Laundry is cool! Especially if you have your own washer and dryer. It is not as exciting if you don’t but then you get to go to the bank and get quarters. I like having rolls of quarters around because then you can put them in a pillowcase and be ready to fight! You can really fuck shit up at the Laundromat if you have to – “THAT’S MY DRYER BITCH!!!”

Even though I have my own washer and dryer now, cuz I am classy like that, nobody at my house allows me to do my own laundry because I don’t understand the color situation. I am all about the laundry being integrated and I don’t think that the whites should have their own load because it isn’t fair to all the colors. So I mix the whites and the colors and then everything comes out kind of pink/grey. That is what I get for inclusion. I realize that the laundry is not the place to work out your segregation issues.

Anyway, Hillary and I are not doing laundry anytime soon so you better do your own.

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Free the Jena 6! This story of racial inequality and injustice is all too familiar. We have to do whatever we can to help these children. They are just kids, and their crimes were minuscule compared to what is being done to them – in the name of ‘justice.’

Yesterday was the national day of action to get the word out about this terrible crime against humanity. Do something – anything. If we don’t take action now, tell the government that this is unacceptable, protest and stand up for ourselves, our freedom, who is to stop them from coming for us next? Free them now!!!

More info:

Thousands March to Support The Jena 6
Judge Won’t Release Mychal Bell
Free The Jena 6

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Whenever anything really bad happens around Korean people, that is when I would like to hide, go to Hawaii and eat spam sushi until it blows over. I don’t want to comment on it because I don’t want to escalate the situation and I don’t want to implicate myself in it. I don’t want to ‘come out’ as Asian because therein lies a tremendous responsibility that I never volunteered for, that I don’t have any real control over, and that is as mysterious to me as it is to someone who isn’t Asian.

So here is the whole terrible mess of the shootings at Virginia Tech. I look at the shooter’s expressionless face on the news and he looks so familiar, like he could be in my family. Just another one of us. But how can he be us when what he has done is so terrible? Here is where I can really envy white people because when white people do something that is inexplicably awful, so brutally and horribly wrong, nobody says – “do you think it is because he is white?” There are no headlines calling him the “White shooter.” There is no mention of race because there is no thought in anyone’s mind that his race had anything to do with his crime.

So much attention is focused on the Asian-ness of the shooter, how the Korean community is reacting to it, South Korea’s careful condolences and cautiously expressed fear that it will somehow impact the South Korean population at large.

What is lost here is the grief. What is lost is the great, looming sadness that we should all feel over this. We lose our humanity to racism, time and time again.

I extend my deepest sympathies to all those who lost their loved ones, their children, their friends and family, in this unimaginable tragedy. I send them all the love I have in me, and I encourage everyone to do the same.

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I couldn’t have said it better myself.

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I don’t know about you but I am still recovering from Michael Richards’ racist implosion the other night at the Laugh Factory. I wasn’t there, but since the invention of YouTube, we can all be everywhere all the time. Richards’ subsequent apology on Letterman was removed from YouTube, pointing viewers instead to the CBS site, but I didn’t have the proper plug-ins, so it took some time and lots of downloading to finally be apologized to. Jerry Seinfeld graciously served as character witness on Letterman, but cool as he is (and I really love Seinfeld), I don’t think he helped Richards’ case that much. At this point, the only way Richards could redeem himself is if he showed up hand in hand with Bishop Desmond Tutu in Kofi Annan’s car.

I think that people are really shocked and upset by Richards because the character he played on Seinfeld was so beloved, a fuzzy-wuzzy, grizzly pisser of a go-to guy in a vintage Hawaiian shirt. They felt they knew him, and so now feel betrayed over what they didn’t know. I had my suspicions though. I have only seen him out on two occasions, and on both he was yelling at someone. Once, during the Aspen Comedy Festival, he was hosting the show, and backstage I saw him point his finger, angrily and repeatedly into a producer’s face screaming unintelligibly about something. I don’t know what it was about. He seemed to be fine. The audience loved him, the show was going well, nothing seemed off, except he was furious about it. I thought it was weird. Another time was for the premiere of “Frankenstein,” and Prince Charles was invited to the screening, and whenever British royalty are anywhere, they are supposed to be the last to arrive and the first to leave, so even if you are ready to go, you have to wait until the Prince is finished. Michael Richards was screaming at the valet guy, who would not release his car because the Prince was still lingering over dessert. I remember Richards had a date, a tall blonde, like the kind that hold the awards on awards shows, waiting to hand them to the presenters, and he was holding his date’s hand, but also using the same hand to point his finger angrily and repeatedly into the valet guy’s face, and she just kind of stood there and let him use her hand in this nonconsensual way which may have been safe but certainly not sane. I’m sure that he was under a lot of pressure, being him and all, and I don’t want to judge him because I don’t know him.

Still, all the shit that he said at the Laugh Factory haunts me like a recurring nightmare. It is terrifying to me how certain things lie just underneath the surface of polite society, and how when they are unleashed people are actually surprised. But how can anyone be surprised that Los Angeles is a racist place?

In just a few weeks, we’ve had the LAPD in two different racially motivated incidents and the fire department feeding a black fireman dog food. Then of course there’s Mel Gibson. And then one of the greatest problems of all that nobody cares to address - the overall invisibility of people of color in the vast entertainment industry. I think that the racial tension here is worse than anywhere in the world, because the city is so segregated, and the class differences are often color coded, and when there is that much money and that much poverty and that much traffic, it is bound to go terribly wrong sometimes.

I kind of feel bad for Michael Richards, because maybe he isn’t a racist, and he just has some insane form of racial Tourette’s Syndrome. That would be so shitty. Racism from the comedy club stage is as common as dick jokes, and I’ve heard it and heard it and I don’t even really hear it anymore because I have heard so much of it. Still, I am disgusted by his remarks, and the fact that he is sorry makes me furious, because I am sick of forgiving racists, sick of being above it, sick of being the better person, sick of turning the other cheek so that one gets hit too. Everyone is saying that his career is over, but maybe it isn’t. This could open him up to a whole lot of new fans. Has the White Power movement ever had a celebrity spokesperson?

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Blepharoplasty…father, why does this word sound so nasty?

It’s the dreaded plastic surgery that turns Asian eyes into pseudo-caucasian eyes; that gives the patient an extra fold for eyeshadow, eyeliner, some kind of security that since their eyes are larger, their lives will somehow be better, that they would see more, that they would take in more.

What a heady promise and a terrific bargain - not even a pound, but a pinch of flesh, in exchange for all these riches! I think I might be so grateful that I would use my extra fold to advertise the services of my plastic surgeon. “Get this fold now!” on the left eye, “Ask me how!” on the right eye, because now that my eyes are so big, it would probably fit.

Yet wouldn’t I lose some of my exoticism? Some of my ‘mystery?’ The sexual stereotype for Asian women places great emphasis on our mystery. With eyes so wide, would I have no secrets left to withhold? Because I might be able to expose my entire iris and pupil, would I no longer qualify as the sexy ‘other?’ I embrace these stereotypes, demeaning as they are, because they help me get laid, and frankly that is all I care about.

When you can dive into a ready made identity, it takes a lot of the guesswork out of plain being. I use racial stereotypes like a screensaver to conserve my energy when my own personality overwhelms me and I feel like one of the ‘colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf.’ I feel sorry for people who don’t have a stereotype they can slip into like second skin. What a bother to have to be an original, 100% you all the time! How draining that must be! So I wouldn’t ever want to get rid of my single fold eyelid, because then I would have to also shed the expectations that come with an eye like that.

I like people assuming that I could order for the entire table of white friends in a Chinese restaurant. I cherish my job taking visitors on excursions to Koreatown, a region I know next to nothing about, yet everyone assumes I have some expertise in. I want people to think I may not speak English! Oh, the list is endless.

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Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku girls have been getting lots of lip service lately, and I have to say I am confused.

I like Gwen Stefani, she’s alright. She is very stylish and has a nice voice and a really flat stomach. She is a rock star, and quite good at it. I am always impressed by her platinum hair and her incredibly organized steamer trunks. She keeps all her wristbands in separate zip-lock bags. I too have lots of nice things, but they are all getting moth eaten and mashed together in a pile on my closet floor. I could never understand the concept of a pair: of shoes, gloves, stockings, earrings, hearts, whatever. How can you possibly keep two separate and entirely whole things together in the crazy whirling world we live in? Anyway, Gwen manages to do it all with great panache.

Now she has 4 things all together, the Harajuku Girls. I want to like them, and I want to think they are great, but I am not sure if I can. I mean, racial stereotypes are really cute sometimes, and I don’t want to bum everyone out by pointing out the minstrel show. I think it is totally acceptable to enjoy the Harajuku girls, because there are not that many other Asian people out there in the media really, so we have to take whatever we can get. Amos ‘n Andy had lots of fans, didn’t they? At least it is a measure of visibility, which is much better than invisibility. I am so sick of not existing, that I would settle for following any white person around with an umbrella just so I could say I was there.

It is weird being Asian American right now, because I don’t exactly know what my place is. America is supposed to be for everyone, and people are supposed to treat me like I belong here, and yet you would never know that from watching tv or movies. I still get the questions about where I am really from. Then when I try to explain this feeling of invisibility to those whose every move and moment is entirely visible, they come back at me with, “Maybe Asian Americans don’t want to be in entertainment!” Yes he really said that. I just screamed, because there was no other way I could answer without hitting him.

Even though to me, a Japanese schoolgirl uniform is kind of like blackface, I am just in acceptance over it, because something is better than nothing. An ugly picture is better than a blank space, and it means that one day, we will have another display at the Museum of Asian Invisibility, that groups of children will crowd around in disbelief, because once upon a time, we weren’t there.

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On my book tour, I have to be very good natured about all the racism and ignorance that I encounter because if I got angry at every single incident, I would wear myself out. It is difficult enough just to keep up with the schedule, with no sleep and no time for regular meals between book signings and press appearances. My nerves are completely shot, I have no coat or hat, and I just broke a nail!

People ask me what it was like to make “Charlie’s Angels,” and I have to force a smile and remind myself that they don’t know better, and they are trying their best to be friendly. But it isn’t funny to me, and it is starting to make me very depressed. It is not enough that there are so few Asian American women working in the entertainment industry. There has to be veiled and outright hostility towards the ones who are here.

But the countless interviewers and talk show hosts would not ever view their comments as being hostile in the least. They cannot comprehend the fact that they might be racist because they are so used to racism it feels like a second skin, the one they can feel comfortable in because no one judges the color of it. No one would ever dream of mistaking Mary J. Blige for Faith Evans, even in jest – especially in jest. Anyone who would infer that P. Diddy was actually Big Daddy Kane would be immediately fired, and likely banned from broadcasting forever and ever. Yet is somehow is totally okay to ask me why I left “The View.”

This week, we are remembering the remarkable life of Rosa Parks, and I am once again incredibly moved at the scope and power of the Civil Rights Movement. What I want to know is - how do we get there? If only it were possible to mapquest equality. “When you get to democracy, turn LEFT.”

Although racism still exists in a very real way for African Americans, white people have the sense to do it in private. It is not acceptable to be openly racist towards black people, but it still seems to be open season on the rest of us: Asians, Latinos, gays, lesbians – pretty much all other minorities. Learning the history of the Civil Rights Movement, committing to memory all the steps along the way is the only thing I can think to do in trying to somehow recreate it today.

I was on a radio talk show where an African American woman called in to caution me about comparing the Civil Rights Movement to the fight for gay marriage, but it isn’t like you can possibly conflate the two struggles. Injustice is injustice. It is that I wish to learn from example, for us to take the great strides made by African Americans in this country and use them like a map to take those remaining behind the lines of inequality to freedom.

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“What I’m hearing which is sort of scary is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this–this (she chuckles slightly) is working very well for them.”

Eew. This is what Barbara Bush said about the Hurricane Katrina refugees at the Astrodome in Houston. The worst thing is she actually went and visited them. Haven’t they suffered enough? I think it is just disgusting. Her attitude is like, ‘Poverty is adorable! Look at all these cute, cute, cute poor people! They should be thankful for Katrina because if it weren’t for the flood they wouldn’t be able to enjoy this nice, nice stadium! They’re much better off aren’t they? I heart the lower class!’

It just shows that clearly she has no understanding of what happened, if she actually thinks that being poor somehow makes the disaster less of one, because now instead of a small, cramped and overcrowded apartment, they get a huge, cramped and overcrowded stadium. What is she saying? ‘Oh they didn’t have anything to lose, so what does it matter if they lost it all?’ If this is what they think of the poor, then what do they think of the rest of America? What is thought about the soldiers who were killed in Iraq? ‘Oh they were so young, they were barely alive anyway. No one notices they’re gone anyway! It’s working well for them!’

I never had any soft feelings for Barbara Bush. She looks like a Grandma and a Grandpa at the same time, which would normally make me like her, but for some reason, her politics make her Quaker Oats appearance unappealing. She’s like hot breakfast cereal sprinkled with broken glass and fake compassion. She is like a multigrain muffin with cranberries and thumbtacks. She is the former first lady and the current worst lady. And she is not working well for me.

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