Archive for the ‘TV & Movies’ Category

Imagine

Tuesday, December 14th, 2004

Imagine being Anna May Wong at the premiere of your film, “Thief of Baghdad,” title apropos to these times, as a Chinese American at Graumann’s Chinese Theatre, then in its Chinarama phase, chock-a-block with faux orientalism, a chinkee apocalypse in plastic and red paper. And you, surrounded by an extraction of your own culture, are not allowed to put your hands in the wet cement to commemorate your contribution. So piquant in the way that you actually really own all the imagery around you, or you did at one point, and it was taken from you to adorn the theatre, make it mystical, magical. Remember, you are a star of the film. People lined up for blocks to see just a glimpse of you. But your permanent prints will not be there for the future to see that you were part of the golden age of Hollywood, even though they borrowed the golden hues of your skin without asking. This honor was reserved for the white actors. In addition, you could be desired by all the white men on screen with you, and the ones leering from their crimson empress red velvet seats, but you couldn’t marry one, because it was against the law. Imagine.

Anna May Wong left Hollywood in 1927, and sailed for Europe, where she made many films, and had fans all over the Continent. Following in the lively dancehall footsteps of Josephine Baker, she went for the European’s wild taste for the exotic. Germany was host to a cultural renaissance, where the Weimar Republic was in full decadent splendor. They absolutely went insane for anything that was different or unique. Anna May Wong was happy there, as she felt more acceptable. She was quoted as saying that Europe had “acceptance for people of color,” and that is the first time I believe that phrase ever had been used. In fact, the opposite was true. Intolerance and racism was so rampant, even flagrant. IMAGINE.

I admire the savvy and complete self confidence of Josephine Baker, whose talent and charisma is iconic and revered. Anna May Wong came home for good after a brief tour of duty, but Josephine Baker remained largely in Paris after several disastrous attempts to return to the US and establish a career - completely unacceptable during the segregationist phase. She got bad reviews for being black!!!!! After being refused service at the Stork Club, she began a very open and public fight with pro-segregationist columnist Walter Winchell which the times, and The Times, dictated that she could not win. She went back to the City of Lights that had put her name in lights, and stayed a tremendous star all over Europe for her entire life. Upon her death, in 1975, the French declared it a national day of mourning, honoring her with a 21-gun salute, making her the first American woman buried in France with military honors. 20,000 mourners arrived to grieve and the funeral blocked the streets. The NAACP named May 20th, Josephine Baker Day.

Even though she has no official day, I adore Anna May Wong, and I like to think that I look a bit like her. I do, not the way they say Asians “all look alike.” We have the same kind of head, like you know when you see people around and you realize they have the same shape dome you do and you kind of either love them or hate them right off the bat, depending on the relationship you have with yourself. I did a reading of a play, a biographical melodrama, which was absolutely true to life yet somewhat underplayed for emotion, for intensity of feeling is generally kept internal in most Asian cultures. I was the star, or I read the part of the star. The playwright was a friend of mine, Elizabeth Wong, one of the writers of my ill-fated television show, “All American Girl.” She had written it just for me and hoped to gain attention for the work by putting together a group of actors and reading it at the building across the street from the Ahmanson Theatre in Los Angeles, not so far from the Hill Street in Chinatown where the real Anna May Wong had grown up.

One of the actors, David Dukes, was a beautiful man, in his fifties. He’s one of the guys that you see in movies or TV forever; you never know the names of these people, but you also expect to see them. Your eye always makes room for them, actors like him, because you know his face, his angle, his motivation, because he is incredibly familiar and that familiarity is comforting. This is an everyday nonplussed kind of acceptance that we have for white heterosexual male archetypes. They have every reason to be there, they populate the world, and the world exists solely for them. No, they are not to blame individually for this, but that is the bare truth of the matter. It is one of those things that we, as non-white heterosexual male archetypes, accept and must compromise all up and down and around for anytime we experience any type of media since the Age of Antiquity. No big deal.

Anyway, David Dukes played my lover. We talked, in between scenes, about his chinchilla farm, which he was very proud of, and the production of Bent he had been in. I marveled at the fact that though he was not particularly famous, I knew every plane and surface on his face from memory, most recently from the ambitious Marilyn Monroe biopic with Mira Sorvino and Ashley Judd, one playing Marilyn, the other playing Norma Jean. The best part about this film is when Marilyn is joined by Norma Jean on the therapist’s couch, and they cry together as only a Gemini can. David played Arthur Miller, and he was too handsome to do so, but of course, he made a fine made-for-the-screen Miller. David died unexpectedly soon after this reading.

What is strange to me is that in biopics, they always cast someone finer looking than the original, as if the reality of life must be tidied up for the camera’s gaze. Nowhere is this more poignant and outrageous than in Anna May Wong’s own life. She knew that there was a good film brewing in the Hollywood Hell’s Kitchen. Pearl S. Buck’s “The Good Earth” had been optioned, and there was a huge part, the indisputable lead in fact, for a sympathetic Asian character. It was for O-lan, a mother, who was sacred and not profane. This was miles away and far better than the Dragon’s Daughter parts Anna May Wong had grown so used to. When she played these parts she would always rise above them, so that you did cheer for her, as she would poison everyone. Her evil-ese was mind altering, so much so that she became good.

The historical accounts differ on the real feelings Anna May Wong had about this role. Some say that she knew she wouldn’t get it, that there was no way that the Hollywood that she had known so well would possibly accept her, the most famous and talented Asian American star, as the real deal, O-lan, the most endearing Asian portrayal in Western literature to date. Others state a different story, that she rallied and begged and came one day to the studio in a rickshaw dressed up in the O-lan costume - like Sean Young’s Catwoman stunt, or Madonna’s open plea for Alan Parker to cast her as Evita in her video, “Take A Bow.”

The play I worked on centered around this particular point in Anna May Wong’s life. In the third act, when it is revealed that the part of O-lan went to GERMAN actress Luise Rainer, who went on to win an Oscar, for such amazing acting happening underneath all that makeup (not unlike Charlize Theron in the recent, magnificent “Monster”). It is the final nail in the coffin for Anna May Wong’s ill fated, ill timed career. For the rest of her life, or rather, her life within the lines of the play, Anna May Wong would be bitterly discussing this to all the people around her (not many, by her own choice) before dying alone and angry in 1961. The truth is somewhere in between. Anna May Wong had hoped, against hope that she could win this part, but she knew that it wasn’t possible, because she was in fact, actually Asian.

Imagine. Knowing that you were unable to play the part because you were the right race at the wrong time. When Paul Muni was cast as the male lead - that is when the hope died. She knew that since the male and female leads were to be lovers, in fact, married, that there wasn’t a chance in Hollywood hell that she would win the role. Miscegenation was a misdemeanor, even perhaps a felony, punished to the full extent of the law. Yellowface was not. Yellowface was the safe route. Yellowface was the politically correct answer. Imagine.

Even the cinematographer, the illustrious James Wong Howe, was taken out of the running when the crew was being assembled, even though he had tremendous experience shooting all over the world, and was perfect for the job, BEHIND the camera. We read the play, ironically, retelling this story of insane racism that was considered acceptable, in fact morally responsible behavior at the time the events took place, against the backdrop of the drama of my own television nightmare, assumptions abounding about how things were so much better today, and thanking our joy luck club stars that we were no longer living in this world we were bringing to the stage, that things were so much better - now- when particularly short sighted Korean activists were taking me to task for not hiring actual Korean actors to play the parts of my family members. They boycotted, wrote articles, mobilized en masse against me because we had not a Korean writer on staff. We had Asian American actors, really fine ones, in all the roles, and Asian American writers in the writer’s room, but the fact that they were not specifically Korean, and the fact that we were charged with Yellowface for this and many other factors, got the show taken off the air. IMAGINE.

The play never did get produced, although it was a spectacular work, and hopefully now, it might get some attention. Anna May Wong lives on, in the minds of film scholars and fans of cinema’s odd transitional time between the silent films and the talkies. She is a tremendous gay icon, worshipped by drag queens for her tragedy and her icily androgynous beauty. She is not well respected by Asian American activist academics, if they know of her at all, for she falls into the Charlie Chan category, and represents a period of Asian American complicity (!) that is for some, best forgotten.

Imagine. John Lennon would never have written the song without Yoko Ono.

The Oscars

Monday, March 1st, 2004

Talking to my imaginary friends while watching the Oscars in South Carolina…

I never watch the Academy Awards, but I am doing so right now. It’s a strangely political night, with Billy Crystal taking tiny potshots at Bush, careful and subtle support for gay marriage, an early win for longtime liberal Tim Robbins, Michael Moore in a cameo portraying himself, big noise made over Sofia Coppola being the first American woman ever to be nominated for Best Director and Best Picture, and rightly so, “Lost in Translation” being one of my favorite films of the year. It was a bittersweet and unexpectedly joyful movie, and a kind of tribute to all us funny young girls who have been in love with Bill Murray for our entire lives. He was the best part of the pre-show, boasting that he did 200,000 crunches to fit into his Helmut Lang suit, and then opening his jacket to show off.

Damn. Benicio. that is all good. He is fucking fine.

Lots of trains, dragging on the floor behind Angelina Jolie and Rene “Nay-nay” Zelleweger, sweeping the dust off the stage at the Kodak theatre. Bruce calls her that and it fits like a glass slipper! It was of course thrilling to see Nay-nay win, she’s adorable and such a really great actress. The underside of that white satin bow must have been almost black for all the times she was up and around. Where do all those dead dresses go, after their big night? Do they spend the rest of eternity shoved to the back of the closets of the stars until they are Christie’s worthy? I didn’t see that movie. I don’t know why, but it made me feel really chilly. That Nicole Kidman and Nay-nay just looked like they were freezing, and I am not good in that kind of weather. My hands and feet go all numb.

Oh shit, the dude that won best animated short just thanked his ‘beautiful boyfriend.’

Where is the other side of Liv Tyler’s hair? Why is Sting playing the lute? Why is Alison Krauss wearing diamond shoes that cost more than 2 million dollars if you cannot see them? Why is Elvis Costello looking at her like she is singing the song wrong? Annie Lennox is never going to grow her hair out is she? Do I have to stop hoping for that “I Need a Man” wig to re-appear? I am just all questions.

Bizarre tribute to Blake Edwards going through a plaster wall. I needed to thank him for all those depictions of Asians throughout his history. Mickey Rooney didn’t get shout out, but Jim Carrey did a Cato impression, which is good enough I suppose.

Katherine Hepburn retrospective in the “Let’s give it up for the dead people” section.

Oprah just consistently rocks that portrait collar. That is what you do when you find a neckline that works for you. I am all over the place when it comes to that. It still hasn’t come to me.

Errol Morris is fantastic, and his cautionary sentiments about war are warmly supported by the newly and chicly democratic audience. What a difference a year makes.

My mother, when she was a teenager, was called “Mrs. Peck” because she adored Gregory Peck. Oh, this is the dead people section.

Lord of the Rings, Lord of the Rings, Lord of the Rings.

Oh My GOD MY FAVORITE !!!!!!!! EUGENE LEVY!!!!!!

A man is playing the bicycle. A man is dragging a vacuum cleaner around.

I remember the days when we were all young and poor, and Jack Black used to own only one towel. He supposedly used it for everything, after the bath, as a rug, to clear the steam off the mirror and as a casual around-the-house wrap. Will Farrell used to be in “Sympatico,” a trio of unitard-clad young men who would dance to a scratchy Italian record, and it was the most inexplicable and hilarious celebration of spandex through movement. I think he was the yellow one.

This is really getting long.

Tobey Maguire’s hair in Seabiscuit is bizarre. It is so red.

Sofia Coppola had lots of good taste film references - Antonioni and Wong Kar Wei are favorites of mine too. Her film is very much in the “Chunking Express” category, unfulfilled-yet-gratifying-romantic-poetic-dramedy. I had breakfast with her once when she was hanging out with Redd Kross in the early ’90s. She read the hugest magazines, just big, paper cut inducing glossy European issues purchased from the newsstand by the bathrooms at the Farmer’s Market.

I have a feeling that the LOTR set had wonderful craft service. I know that they must have baked their own pita bread. Barry Osbourne worked on my tv show. Why do I know all these people? That is really weird. I am not name dropping. It is just being around for so long. I feel like an old, burled and knotty tall tree.

Charlize Theron is more beautiful as Aileen Wournos. I mean really, she is hot in “Monster.”

Johnny Depp is doing his best Paul K (Imperial Butt Wizards) as that pirate. He has a lot of variety of hair. Look at those bangs. I really wanted Bill Murray to win. Sean Penn is great though. No there weren’t WMDs! He went to Iraq!

Of course it was going to be LOTR.

You know who is more tired than me now is probably those two ladies that were handing out the statues.

No, I am not going to the party.

Passion

Friday, February 27th, 2004

I just saw “The Passion of the Christ,” and it was a lovely film. I know how it ends, so it wasn’t really suspenseful, but the way that it completely bowls you over is pretty scary. Being raised as a born again Christian and Buddhist, the story of the crucifixion was always somewhat glossed over. We knew all the details, but Mel Gibson’s film brings the whole Jesus experience to new heights. I think that by far this is the most gory cinematic representation of death to date, and I have spent most of my life trying to shut my eyes through horror films.

I like scary movies, but I don’t like to watch them. Does that make sense? The ugliness of the violence is that it is inescapable. The sound comes flooding into the senses, so if you cannot see it, you are still seeing it with your ears. The cast was remarkable, the costuming lavish and brilliant, the scenery super dusty, the script entirely in Aramaic and Latin adding a totally different feel than your usual Easter Passion Play, or old favorites like “Jesus Christ Superstar” and “Godspell.” An unflinchingly steady camera - where the thriller element of turning a shot around just before the moment of impact is turned on its head, and you get the whole of it - complete and bloody.

After having witnessed the full Catholicism of Gibson’s retelling, I never want to see it again. This is one DVD that I will not be purchasing, for I do not wish to see the director’s cut, nor omitted scenes, nor any extras. I especially do not wish to see any off-screen antics and bloopers. You know that would just fuck it up.

Catholics are mysterious and exotic to me, never having been to Mass, nor knowing much about it except what I gleaned from Madonna videos. They seem to like to dwell on the suffering, and what Jesus endured physically, which is so unlike what I always was fed from my Sunday school teachers. My education was filled with acoustic guitar toting priests with short sleeved shirts who went on and on about how He loved the little children. In the Good News Protestant 70s, we got the sing-song fables from the Bible, not the bone-crushing, thorny, nails in the hands and feet, splintered wood aspect of the Son of God.

The film includes all the stations of the cross, which are blown up in flashback sequences to the younger, pre-persecution days, where Jesus gives all His advice and tells stories. It is interesting to learn about what different ways God is worshipped, and how even within Christianity, there are many interpretations of what actually happened, and those stories change in detail even within the books of the Bible, depending on who is telling them.

What I really found compelling in the film is that women are depicted as being closer to God, in very good and gentle relationship with Jesus. He is kind of like a rock star, because he has a hot girlfriend, my very favorite Bible character, Mary Magdelene, and lots of groupies wearing black. He is also a mama’s boy. The kind of sweetness that women rarely get treated with in your average Hollywood film is nice to see, even when it is as graphic and tortured as this, with the poor guy always falling down right on the crown of thorns on his head. What is really great is that Jesus doesn’t ever say that anything is wrong, and he is forever forgiving everyone for everything.

After having been in the midst of all this fighting about how same-sex marriage defies the teachings of the Bible, not once did I think that Jesus was being judgmental. Jesus is really all about how we need to love each other, and He says it a bunch of times, not only when He’s doing the sermon on the mount, but just in general. He does get mad at the weird Satan character, who is very beautiful but hairless, a sexy but sexless creature, but only one time, and that is in the very beginning.

I love it when Jesus gets mad in the Bible, when He is all hollering at people to get out of His father’s house, and then when that fruit tree won’t bear fruit. Also there is that time when He yells at the disciples for getting all up in Mary’s business when she is trying to put that ointment on His feet. He likes a pedicure, our Lord. So the message of the Messiah, of God, and of this film..love everyone, forgive everyone because they don’t know what they are doing and keep your feet soft.

I bet that He is ecstatic about Rosie O’Donnell getting married, because He likes her comedy and admires her parenting skills, but mostly because He loves it when we are loving and happy. To think, He went through all that trouble, just so that we could love each other. This is why I am a Christian, and a devout one. God and love cannot be separated, because they are one and the same. The love between my husband and I is what I see as a shining aspect of God, just as the love between the gays and lesbians getting married in San Francisco is God as well. I was stopped at a rally by a man who had been married only two days to his longtime partner. He said, “There really is something about wedded bliss.” He didn’t finish his sentence, and tears came to his eyes, and then to mine, because his message was very clear. They only had glimpsed the very beginnings of married life, and the taste of it was so deliciously sweet, and there can be no wrong here, the way we love can no longer be considered perverse.

Hatred is perverse. Bigotry is perverse. Prejudice is perverse. Those abominations will not be tolerated. Love wins all wars, love is all the ammunition you need to fight your holy war. Learning to love my enemies, which are many, is easy when I realize that when I love them, the war is won.

Batman

Thursday, February 12th, 2004

Remember the uproar amongst Batman fans when Michael Keaton was set to play the role of the Dark Knight? It was a moral outrage akin to what happened at the Superbowl. Geeks, freaks and sci-fi comic book moles - I am going to say that because I am one - were talking about boycotting the film before it was even shot.

It didn’t upset me quite as much because I have secret love for Michael Keaton that I cannot deny nor explain. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I went out with this guy just because he looked like him. He was this dude that just happened to be around. My friends would go off like - “Where’s Mr. Mom? What does he do when you are at work? Where is MR. MOM?!” I am glad people have settled down. Mr. Mom was actually a great Batman. I think the DC/Marvel crowd sort of reluctantly embraced him after a while and everything seemed ok.

I got really worried when I saw that Liam Neeson was added to the cast of the new Batman film because I could see the protesters lining up to picket. Oh, I don’t know where they would go - Golden Apple - but it turns out he’s just a supporting cast member, not the superhero.

I am convinced the best Batman was Dr. Dre, but he only played him in a video for Eminem, to Marshall’s Robin, so it doesn’t really count.

The newest Batman is Christian Bale, long overlooked hottie from “American Psycho” and a lot of space movies that I never saw. He’s the bomb and I am really glad for him. Christian Bale is hell of fine. Plus, his stepmother is Gloria Steinem. His father recently passed away, and I hope that it was not too painful for either of them, but how could it not be?
All I know is that I am big fans of both of them, and I just hope that they can move on from this with a lightness of heart that we all need to have at one time or another when a loved one is removed from our lives and the river of life has to rush in to fill up the space they leave behind. River river river.

No thumbs up or down for the newest choice for Bruce Wayne since the jury is still debating about the last two installments of Lord of the Rings. I have to say I am late in all the hoopla surrounding the LOTR phenomenon. All I know is that once you have the leatherbound 4 DVD set with additional footage and omitted scenes, you cannot stop watching it. I find the whole thing incredibly exciting, because I love computer animation and motion capture and the elves’ gowns and chain mail. I think that the good wizard needs to condition his hair more because it tends to frizz and get split ends and the bad wizard, even though he is clearly evil, has healthier hair, which at times he even over-conditions, because it is too fine and gets very flat. I want to tell him not to use shampoo AND conditioner, but rather a shampoo with conditioner in it, like a Pantene or something. Sometimes you just need to let go of the notion that you absolutely have to have a crème rinse to feel like you have completed your toilette.

Gandalf, the good wizard, my husband pointed out, has a lot of heat damage to his locks, after having gone to hell and back in the big sword battle with a fiery dragon, and so I reckoned that it is no one’s fault that his hair is so dry. It is just a sad fact of his profession/fate. If only I could give him a good hot oil treatment, like very old school VO5 or even Kolesterol. Remember that unfortunately named hair product? I am not saying that it would make him a more powerful wizard, just that I could give him a blunt cut that would make this entire conversation over and done with. Which I think it is anyway.

I have seen two Hobbits in different places doing entirely different activities, one at the Bowie show and one at the Grammys. Neither are particularly short men, nor did they have the Ring - not even the big Barney Rubble feet that they have in the film. It disappoints me that they aren’t real. And that the entire trilogy isn’t real. And that there really are no superheroes, just actors that get fought over on message boards and fansites. There really is no such thing as escapist entertainment because there is no way to rid yourself of the knowledge that what we are truly seeing is storyboards put into motion, the latest in special effects, and that there is nonesuch never neverland - only Neverland Ranch.

Sometimes this world is too hard to be in, and the river seems so tempting to dive into, to escape all this. The war that is played out on the screen seems like a better one, a more hopeful one, a more noble one than the one that is fought today in reality. The real struggle between good and evil is terrifying and inexplicable and happening, not in Middle Earth, but on just plain old regular earth and there is no jewelry that will save any of us from our fate.

“Hispanics break the TV barrier”

Wednesday, September 10th, 2003

Today, the paper says “Hispanics finally break the TV barrier.” Is that kind of like the sound barrier? Do they go really fast or something? What is the TV barrier? “I can’t see the screen, move your head fool.” Or does it point to something more. I guess that it is true, that we are seeing more Latino faces in the media, but what about Asian faces y’all? I am glad that the diversity is all up 4% and shit, but I am not going to be popping and locking over it just yet. George Lopez has a show, which is called a crossover hit, and he deserves it because he is a funny motherfucker, but it isn’t that his ethnicity is what makes me laugh about him. It has to do with his hair. One time I saw a picture of him and he had a Caesar. I laughed my ass off. I am glad he decided to grow it out. I am proud that he has a good show, and it seems to have some longevity, which is hard to do on network television. It gives me hope that perhaps Asian Americans will one day have that opportunity on television (I know I fucked that up, but it was a decade ago people, and I wouldn’t be good in a sitcom now anyway fool. I am too complex.)

The new show I am very excited about is “LUIS’ starring Luis Guzman which is going to be on Fox. If you do not know his name, you certainly know his face. He was in “Boogie Nights” and “Punch Drunk Love” - and a million other things. He is the kind of actor that you see on screen and you go - “Oh thank God.” Because he is always unfailingly interesting and compelling and sexy and hilarious. There is a stark compassion that he brings to every character he plays, this depth that puts all the other actors to shame. The smallest parts get infused with a great determination. He is in the background, but fuck, that dude is fucking THERE. It is the best thing an actor can do for us - fucking be THERE. If the camera isn’t on their close-up, most actors you can see are far away in their head, on a ranch in Montana or at the Sky Bar or by the pool at the Standard. They are anywhere but in the scene. Luis is 120% in the house. Just take a look at “Punch Drunk Love”, following Barry Egan around the warehouse. He is so concerned, overjoyed Barry has decided to take a vacation. Later, he dons a suit to emulate Barry’s new sense of self worth. These things are never lost on a movie fan such as myself. They may seem miniscule, but these moments are pure Hollywood magic. Remember the name. LUIS GUZMAN. I fucking love that fucking guy.

Queer Eye for the Straight, Why?

Friday, August 29th, 2003

This show harkens back to the time honored tradition of ‘fixing a straight man’. I mean really, when have you been able to take a heterosexual male right off the rack, prêt a porter? Straight women have long relied on their gay male consorts for their expertise in the transformative arts, from elocution to chambray, we leave little to chance, in turning my Slim Shady into My Fair Lady. My friends, accomplices all, remember the pair of dog shit scented Converse High Tops snatched away in the night from the new boyfriend who would not throw them out himself, thankfully buried in the desert.the shoe heist would not have been completed if it had not been for outside assistance. The gorgeous musician, who insisted on the use of Irish Spring (that soap that you whittle) on his café au lait combination skin face, coaxed into a skincare regimen, with hetero friendly products by Kiehl’s. The wire hangers, hanging saggy, sorrowful shirts from Mervyn’s, tossed out mercilessly, dry cleaner bags and all. We have seen the land of men, and watched them sleep in 50/50 polyester-cotton blend sheets, and we have saved them from static electricity. There has long been a silent complicity between straight and gay men, facilitated by the girlfriend of both, that the gay man knows more, looks better, acts hotter than the straight man. The straight man will forgo any internalized homophobia and prejudice for the tutoring in all matters extracurricular, in order to impress, tantalize and obey the heterosexual female. It’s a parlor game that everybody wins. The homosexual male delights in sharing and showing off his talents, the heterosexual male gets some of the specialized sparkle of the socially oppressed, the girlfriend gets a presentable boyfriend, and they all hang out together in peace and harmony. It is like an Amish barnraising.

I like QUEER EYE, a lot actually. I would hang out with the Food and Wine guy almost every day, and I am sure that Carter (Style) and I have had words, but we are civil to each other when in public, and Culture and I are playing a wicked game of phone tag which has lasted for about 4 months. I did Special K a long time ago with Hair, but of course he doesn’t remember, and I never met Interiors, but I know his boyfriend enough to say ‘hi’. What makes me say “Why?” is the idea that gay men, in order to be accepted by mainstream society, have to be really ‘good’ at something. The expertise that is bestowed upon them, a kind of superhero grace, is a suffocated love, created by a need to fit in, and the point of entry into a world that would have them only if they were put to good use. Have you ever seen a gay man on TV be ‘bad’ at something? Not likely. We’ve not that luxury to fuck up. The “Queer as Folk” gang may misbehave, but they are not only a fiction, they do it with such panache, we common folk could only dream of screwing up so royally, pun intended.

The phenomenon of the show, an exciting portent for the future of gay television, is unquestionable. The gaying of straight male culture has taken hold. My very hetero friend, who has motor oil under his nails and a pack of Winstons folded into the pocket of his Hanes Beefy 100% Cotton T, pats on a bit of Estee Lauder SPF 8 High Definition Concealer in Light while looking in the rear view mirror of his Harley. He has fully realized himself, and become a lesbian.


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