I am in the closet.

Not sexually of course, because anyone who knows me knows I am up for anything with anybody. I take all comers. I am an equal opportunity destroyer. So, I am not in that kind of closet. I am in the Democratic Primary closet. I know a lot of people in this closet. We can’t talk about it. We are “undecided” in the polls. We are the ones everyone is fighting over. But I don’t want to be in this closet, not anymore. I am outing myself.

I am bi-candidate. I like Hillary and Obama. I like Obama and Hillary. I think it is wonderful that we have not just one, but two great candidates to choose from. It is an embarrassment of riches really. Not just one amazing politician. But two! We have the incredibly exciting Barack Obama, who represents hope and change and who can get a whole generation of disillusioned voters excited about politics again, which I think I is a miracle in itself. Then we have the amazing Hillary Clinton, who has already proved herself to be a great leader, who can and will clean up after the Bush administration just like she did the last time she was President.

I can’t decide. And so I don’t want to tell anyone who I voted for because almost exactly half my friends are into Hillary and the other half are all about Obama, so no matter who I vote for, half my ass will get kicked, which should be ok, because at least I will have the other half of my ass to use for campaigning for my favorite candidate (even though it might look half-assed).

I voted last week, several days early, since I am a permanent absentee voter and have the luxury of voting in the privacy of my own home in my own time. I picked the candidate that I liked best, the one who I thought would do the best job. I filled in my bubble all the way, using blue ink to represent my blue state of mind and put my ballot in the mail. Then, I got worried I had made the wrong choice. I kept thinking about going back into the mailbox and fishing out my ballot and changing it. I really thought about doing this even though it is very illegal! I thought, hmm, maybe if I took a coathanger, stretched it out, secured a small flashlight with tape to the wire so I could find my ballot, put a piece of chewed gum on the end so I could somehow fish my ballot out, etc… I think I got all these ideas from an old episode of “The Little Rascals.” Then I realized that even if I broke the law and went to all this trouble to do this it probably wouldn’t do me any good anyway because I had already filled in one bubble and I couldn’t really erase it to fill in the other one. Then, what would happen if I changed my mind again? So I just left it.

The only way I could be happy is if Obama and Clinton were on the same ticket. Please God, let this happen.

This entry is cross-posted on The Huffington Post.

AsianAmericansforObama.com has “Babies for Barack!” with the cutest baby endorsing him. It is adorable. I think it is time for all babies to let us know who they want for President. Babies got it going on! I think most of them are born Democrats. Have you ever hung out with a baby with a toy? Usually, if you smile at them and show some interest in the toy, they will give it to you. That’s a straight up Democrat move! You don’t become a Republican until you lose all your baby teeth and fall down a lot and get the croup and then become angry and bitter.

I live in a weirdly conservative neighborhood, where at the local watering hole, old dudes sit around the bar talking about campaigning for Mike Huckabee. It would be scary, but they are all so drunk and cirrhosis bound that they don’t seem to actually pose a threat. What is there to like about Huckabee? He’s a hit with the home schoolers, which is a red flag in the first place. Perhaps it’s his love affair with Chuck Norris that is appealing. They are the Brangelina of the Christian Right. KD Lang, who I worked with last weekend (and who is an absolute BABE – totally beautiful and dreamy – so handsome – looks just like Jake Gyllenhaal), called them “Chuckabee” – which is just so perfect.

This entry is cross-posted at The Huffington Post