I am not voting for McCain. I hope that is obvious. I am sick of everyone saying – “He was a good soldier. He was a good soldier.”
Um yeah. He was captured.
So he was not that good.
And now with Sarah Palin at his side, they have actually become the worst ticket imaginable. The only way it could be worse would be if Satan were running with Chuck Norris as his VP. Actually, Lucifer-Norris sounds better than McCain-Palin.
But even though I would never, ever vote for Palin, I am kind of obsessed with fucking her. She is sexy and hot in a MILF/Cougar way. Like you could have that real mature, straight to the point, adult, over forty, gonna cum multiple times with a big, oversize t-shirt on and nothing else and “I don’t care what I look like cuz I am gonna bust nuts in your curl” kind of fucking with her. I want to steam up those glasses and show her what a pitbull with lipstick really needs – doggy style!
Seriously – I wanna eat her Alaskan pussy from behind. Like an Eskimo. What?! I’m just trying to keep warm!
Although you know that thing is frozen and my tongue would probably stick.
All kinds of Christians are getting mad about my Sarah Palin comments, and it is pissing me off.
First of all – you fucking fake Christians – don’t fucking question my Christianity. I grew up in the church. My grandfather was a minister, who is with God now and talks to me in my dreams from God’s corner office. I am a former Sunday school teacher. I taught the Bible to children and showed them how to love God and invite him into their hearts. I believe in God – but I don’t fear him. God is my best friend. God is my ally. God is my boyfriend. God is my best fag. I am God’s fag hag cuz didn’t you know, God is a big fag. Serious bottom too. Butch in the streets, femme in the sheets. That is my God. God is my biggest fan. God gets me, dude.
God wants us all to just get along. He doesn’t give a shit about the profanity. The bitch fucking invented profanity. He thinks it is hilarious. He just wants you to talk to him, and he doesn’t care what you have to say. He just wants to keep the conversation going. Like Jay-Z, he just wants to love you. He just wants you to be able to make your own decisions. God is all about you and what you need. God is happy that you are gay. God made you fucking gay cuz he thinks it is awesome. God understands if you need to have an abortion. That is why he created abortion, on the 8th day. God accepts. God forgives. God loves all of us, even though some of us might have a problem with each other.
Don’t fucking question my Christianity you fucking idiot assholes. If you continue to have a problem, then talk to God about it, not me, you fucking racist homophobic misogynist fake Christian shitheads. God thinks it is funny that I swear so much. He said I could use his name in vain or whatever. He just wants me to use it. He loves me. So fuck you. And I guess he loves you too. Even though you are fake Christian assholes. If you were truly Christians, you would let gays get married, and send them fucking presents from Bed Bath and Beyond!
If you truly believed in Jesus, you would try to be like him and love us, fags and dykes and feminists all. God bless you, even you. You fucking fuckers.
David Foster Wallace is dead and I am in utter shock and despair over it. After I read “Infinite Jest,” I wanted to write, and even though that desire ebbs and flows in me now, there wasn’t a time that I sat down to write where I didn’t reflect on the genius of him. What a mastery of words. What a profound power writers can have – writers as good as he was. I am saddened in a deep and overwhelming way. What a true genius. What a true loss.
If you haven’t read it, you should. I fell into that book like it was a bottomless well of knowledge, artistry, cleverness, beauty, tennis and compassion, no other writer has affected me quite as deeply. No other. Please no matter how bad things get, never kill yourself. When you kill yourself, you kill us all.
At first I thought Sarah Palin was some kind of Republican pandering – a misguided attempt to woo Hillary voters over to the dark side, as if they believed women voters were so stupid that they would vote for anyone in skirt, but now I see that she is much, much worse.
I have nothing against hockey moms – I just don’t want to be one. If Sarah Palin had her way, she would take away that right not to be a mom. She wants to outlaw abortion – so to call her a feminist is as laughable as calling evangelicals ‘Christians.’ They shouldn’t have the right to call themselves Christian, for they have no Christ-like attributes. I am a feminist and a Christian – and when I see Sarah Palin – I see neither. And it is official. She is evil. I saw on Violet Blue’s awesome blog that Sarah Palin forced rape victims to pay for their own forensic exams.
From: Sara Benincasa
Sent: Tuesday, September 09, 2008
To: margaretcho
Subject: Again, with gratitude (and Sarah Palin video magic)
Hi Margaret:
I wrote to you two years ago when I had first started doing stand-up, and you did me the kindness of posting the email on your blog. The fact that you posted my message meant so much to me, not in the least because it brought new friends my way and added to my resolve to continue doing comedy.
I was a high school teacher back when I wrote to you. It wasn’t what I really wanted to do. What I really wanted to do was write, perform, and make people laugh.
Today, I host a nightly show about sex on Sirius, and I contribute to MTV’s 2008 Choose or Lose coverage. And for the past few weeks, I’ve been doing a series of fake Sarah Palin vlogs with my comedy partner, Diana Saez. The first video alone has garnered over 150,000 hits, as well as being featured on Wonkette, Comedy Central’s Indecision 2008 blog, Politico, and a bunch of other sites. Newsweek.com interviewed me last week and I just did an interview with the Washington Post this evening. Wolf Blitzer showed a clip from one video on CNN’s “Situation Room.” He is now our boyfriend forever, in our minds. But, most importantly, a field organizer with the Obama campaign down South wrote me the following note:
Dear Sara,
Thank you for making your Sarah Palin Vlogs.
I am a Field Organizer for the Obama campaign. I have shown your Sarah Palin to all of my friends and everyone, EVERYONE, loves them.
As you might imagine, we work very hard on the campaign. We work from 9AM to 10PM pretty much every day, seven days a week. Your Vlogs are great for morale.
Keep up the funny stuff.
I don’t write to ask you to post the videos on your blog or anything like that. I just wanted to let you know that in a very real way, your posting that fan letter back in ‘06 contributed to my feeling good about the fact that I had decided to give comedy a real try. And I know you post lots of fan-mail, and I think that’s awesome. It must seem like a small gesture, but it can really mean a lot.
The first Sarah Palin vlog is here (and there are seven others). If you have time to watch it, I hope you enjoy my personal interpretation of the greatest single role model our country has ever known. And I’m looking forward to seeing your show at Radio City.
Shooting a moose from a helicopter,
Sara Benincasa
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