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I have one beautiful Alexander McQueen dress. It was tremendously pricey for me, as most of his designs are, but I loved this dress so much I just had to have it. I never wore it before. I just have it, the tags hanging off still, his impressive name bold and big on the silk tag inside. I don’t like to spend too much on clothes, but this dress, I couldn’t pass up, and it was on sale, so I could justify it a little, but it’s too beautiful for me, and I am scared to wear it, because I love Alexander McQueen so much. His imagination and his vision, his love for the female form and his natural and naive yet tremendous ability to manifest the fantastical with effortlessness and ease, because he was like a magic child. Beautiful creature.
I thought I would save the dress for the day that I could play guitar very well. That is what the dress is. It’s called the guitar dress. The front is very simple, like the plain black garments worn by cellists or concert violinists, serious musicians who can’t be constrained by color or shape. Their bodies are extensions of their instruments. They are their instruments. They are their music. The notes are color and design and shape and texture and so they have no need for further adornment. This dress is for the musician I thought I would one day become. When I had no need for further beauty other than myself and my beloved guitar because the music that I made would be adornment enough. But the way these musicians dress is still beautiful, in its elegance and simplicity. It’s poetic in the quiet lines it draws against the body, so not to drown out the glorious sound.
The guitar dress has a special McQueen secret though. The back of the dress has an unexpected, almost shockingly sheer laser cut reverse image of a guitar, following the curve of my hips, the strings running along my spine. I am the instrument; the sound and me and what makes the sound and me are all the same. It’s a cosmic joke with a brilliant punchline. I thought when I would one day wear this dress – I will be this. I am beautiful and simple in the front, and a blessed surprise in the back.
I was saving this special dress, my one and only Alexander McQueen for the day I could do it justice, but I realize my ability and my practicing and the songs I try to make better and better every day in order to one day stand on stage in this dress and play like the dress deserves don’t matter now, because he is gone. And so I put on the dress today. For him. For my beautiful Lee McQueen. I never called him that. I never knew him. But I want to call him that now. Because he felt like family in my psyche, in my heart, in my dreams of beauty and maybe one day being beautiful coming true. Beautiful Lee. I will miss you.
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