I met Kate Gosselin the other night and she was pretty with her new hair. It’s blonde and long and flat-ironed. I liked the other hair too but she is very glamorous these days. She asked me how I will deal with the criticism I might get from being on “Dancing With The Stars” and I said “I don’t care about it!” and I really don’t. Why does anyone care what anyone says about them? And also about whether you can dance or not, if you are not known to be a dancer? Especially when it’s people who don’t know you and don’t know what you are about? Everyone who knows me knows I am NOT a ballroom dancer and would probably be better off on “Dancing With The Whores” which is a spin off of yesterday’s pilot for “Dancing With The Stoners.”

I told Kate that she shouldn’t listen to the mean things people say about her and she said she wouldn’t. That made her smile a lot, which I think is nice. She has a nice smile, which is a special secret. I don’t know much about her, except that she seems to be a soft spoken lady with a lot of children and an Asian Adjacent ex-husband. She also says she was not a good dancer but I think that if anyone can get through a moment of the “Dancing With The Stars” experience – they’ve got to have some rhythm somewhere. She did not fall – which I have done several times already!! I feel like if I fall a bunch now, I won’t fall later. It’s like if you have a bad rehearsal you have a great performance!! That is how it has been in my experience. You should always shoot to have a terrible rehearsal so that the show shines. It’s kind of like the ‘break a leg’ thing. You don’t want to actually break a leg, but you want to ‘break a leg.’ This whole thing is so different from anything I have done, and I am looking forward to bringing my stripper moves to it, as well as busting my humps.

The paparazzi seem to weirdly care about me today, but I think it is because no one else is at the dance studio rehearsing as early as I am there and they are bored. They asked me, kind of in a shitty way, if I was learning anything – as in “how to dance” and I said “yes” all confident and then immediately tripped on a parking divider. It was real stupid. I feel bad for them because it’s hot in that real ‘Hollywood concrete and asphalt’ way and really pee smelling in the alley they are waiting in and I hope they are drinking enough water. That has to suck – waiting around in deep Hollywood to take pictures of people. I wouldn’t want to do it, just like I don’t think anyone wants to come inside and do abs with me!

I cannot wait to ask The Situation if I am a grenade or a landmine. I hope that the rest of The Jersey Shore cast comes and cheers him on because I have a crush on Snooki. I think she looks exactly like Elizabeth Taylor from Cleopatra – really gorgeous.