Wrap up on Jezebel.

Here’s a Behind the Scenes video where Margaret dishes on her tattoos and LL Cool J.

Here are some pics by Mookey Goh! My maxi-me, Monistat, and the Lord of the Cockrings:

The song “San Francisco” is a perfect Jill Sobule song about her visit to a masseuse who shares her dreams to go to the city someday. I love San Francisco and am constantly fulfilling my dreams of going there, so I felt I was the perfect man for the job. Lorene Machado helped me get the first shots of Jill singing at her house. I loved this part so much, because Jill is really fun to hang out with. One of the things I love about Jill is that she is so incredibly alive, like cold water melting down a snowy mountain as the morning sun cracks the ice, and the life in her spills out in her songs, in her words, running down the hills of everyone around. I remember she singled out my little puppy Gudrun and told her, like it was a secret she didn’t want anyone else to know – “when I get home, I am going to take a bath and get right in my pajamas! Right in the afternoon!” It was so cute, you could just scream. I got in a little masseuse costume and Jill and I played travel guitars on top of a borrowed massage table. I got wonderful shots of Jill playing all over her house. She’s so fair and precious and pretty. I love to photograph girls. I think I must be some kind of dirty old man inside, creeping around with my camera trying to get a stolen glimpse of their underwear.

After I finished the principle photography with Jill, I headed to San Francisco for shots of the city, and also a kind of moving gallery of portraits, people I love and who represent San Francisco. I had one crew member, “Cho Show” alum Mookey Goh, who was my 1st AD, PA, grip, best boy, catering, locations and driver all rolled up into one. Our first subject was the illustrious Henry Lewis. We picked him up at Sword & Skull Tattoo and I also got to meet GRIME, who I absolutely adore and I wish I had a whole ‘nother body so he could tattoo it. We took Henry to his studio, which he shares with Shawn Barber, who I tried to get in the video, but unfortunately, he was away at the Philadelphia tattoo convention. It’s called the “get shit done” or “GSD” studio, as Henry and Shawn both sport the “GSD” tattoos and the life attitude of getting shit done. They are both world famous painters and tattoo artists and all around SF icons as well as being totally just hot guys. Henry said that I could also get a “GSD” tattoo as well, because I too, get shit done.

We gave Henry a ride home and then tried to shoot some of the drag show at AsiaSF, but since we didn’t have permission, we had to leave – but it was all handled very politely I must say. They gave us a whole bag of delicious dinner to compensate, so it’s all good. Not only is the show packed with stunning drag queens, the food is just divine. The chef there told me he has had a crush on me for ten years, so you know, I like them. They have a reality show coming out, and so their image is pretty tightly controlled. I am looking forward to seeing it!

The next location was infamous blogger Violet Blue’s beautiful Castro home. I loved shooting Violet, not just because she’s an absolute beauty, but also because I love her writing, and she is very much a San Francisco success story. She has gone from being a homeless teen to literary icon in just a short time, because she’s still very young! She should probably sport a “GSD” tattoo as well. I put her in front of “No on Prop 8″ sign. Her skin is very luminous and set off wonderfully by her jet black hair. I think the shots of her are my favorite of the whole shoot just because she’s so darn good lookin’. Did I mention I love to photograph girls?

We waited for some very late drag queens. Drag time is like 2 hours later than everyone else, sort of like daylight savings time, so spring forward or fall back – it’s gonna take 2 hours more because of makeup and hair, bitch. Tita Aida, Cecilia Chung, Christina and Monistat joined us. “Cho Show” fans might remember Monistat from the Vh1 promos, where she plays the drag version of me. Some people have a mini me. I have a maxi me, and that is Monistat. Everytime I see her, I am like, “bitch, why? why? why? you look exactly like me. bitch why?” It’s like looking in a mirror if the mirror was a drag queen. I loved shooting all the drag queens but I just couldn’t get enough of Monistat, who was burning up my lens so bad it melted and shit. She actually painted a yellow nicotine stain on her teeth as part of her drag. I couldn’t stop shooting her and will likely make one version of the video with only Monistat for myself.

I had to kidnap Monistat and take her to our next location, the armory, where kink.com is. I am working with kink.com on another extra special secret project (NOT PORN- I wish), so I get special access and they let me stay there for free! I get my own room, #420 (appropriate). I put my maxi-me in the stairwells and shot the shit out of her. Then, I got Peter Acworth, the king of kink himself to don a little white thong leotard underneath a giant velvet and lace opera cape. He looked just like the Infant of Prague, or Le Petit Prince. He spun and spun and spun like a whirling dervish on the rooftop of the armory, overlooking the city. He spun around so hard he got dizzy and almost fell down. It was really hilarious and stunningly beautiful, and really captures him as he is. Peter is a like a mad king, but he’s not really mad, just mad for his kingdom, and the kingdom of kink.com is a tremendously successful one. He’s like Lord of the Cockrings.

We then went to my favorite place of all, Everlasting Tattoo, where my tattoo artist and friend Mike Davis tattooed shop assistant Ryan with an “SF” tattoo, just for me and my camera. We also played guitars to song like rock stars and I got some really pretty shots of the neon Everlasting Tattoo sign. Shit, I need to get more tattoos. We rounded out the weekend by shooting Mark Eitzel, from American Music Club. I love Mark, and he and I are working on a duet for my new album. He is a friend of Jill’s too, and a San Francisco icon, and very handsome indeed.

I am getting better with the camera. I haven’t picked it up in a couple of years. It takes some getting used to, since I forgot everything I learned from making all those music videos and short films. I just try to shoot too much, and then try to just be on the other side enjoying the images. The more I enjoy the subject, the better it looks.

I spent the better part of the morning shooting at Stephen Elliott’s apartment, which is so classically Mission, with big bay windows that let in all that foggy white San Francisco light. I got cute Isaac Fitzgerald’s on camera debut, as well as lovely Daphne and the sweet blondness of kink.com superstar Lorelei Lee. For the final sequence I went back to the armory and shot my darling Princess Donna, who put Stephen in some serious rope bondage and sat on him like he was a human swing. It was so incredible. I was really exhausted from shooting, but seeing that brought me back to life. Of course, I didn’t take any photos, but I think I can steal some here and there from people to show you. Thanks to everyone in San Francisco, and especially to Jill Sobule and her beautiful song!!!

Violet Blue blogs about the shoot and posts some photos.

My hates collided when I did an episode of the TV show, The Doctors. I was asked to host the show because of my extensive interest in/knowledge of the vagina. I think it’s very exciting for a mainstream TV show like this to want to do an entire episode based on the vagina and to ask someone like me, a real ‘expert’ on the subject, to play co-host. It was really pretty fun, except for the fact that it was totally freezing outside and the air conditioning inside was cranked up as high as it could go. Everyone was cold! I was so cold that I got a temperature migraine on one side of my head. If you watch the trailer, you can see even though it was cold, I still managed to get some zingers in.

You can imagine how disappointed I was to hear that the show was never aired because the powers that be at the networks thought that it was too racy! That is ludicrous and ignorant and perpetuates the ‘mystery’ of the vagina! How are we supposed to learn about our bodies if we aren’t even allowed to discuss them in detail? The show was set up so that women could talk to each other frankly about what is going on down there, and if we aren’t able to bring up the subject even in a medical context, when can we bring it up? I think it is a great disservice to women to silence us when we attempt to share truths about our bodies.

Are we supposed to believe that our bodies are somehow wrong and dirty and bad because we are female? This kind of thinking is archaic and misogynist. I expect better from the world, and certainly more from television. Turn the a/c off and turn your minds on!

However, I do feel the misogyny against Palin – you would have to be blind not to see it. The interview with Charlie Gibson was where I felt it most acutely. Gibson had such contempt for her – of course due to her inexperience and utter inability to answer any question properly and saying the word “nucular” – but I feel if she were a man, he wouldn’t have had as much hatred in his eyes. The last idiotic VP – Dan Quayle – was met with a certain amount of criticism, but it was nothing compared to what Palin has had to face, and will continue to face.

I am certainly not defending Palin – because make no mistake – she is the ultimate misogynist. She is a woman hater in the extreme. To force women to have children against their will, to deny abortion rights EVEN in cases of incest and rape is abominable. She is an insult to feminism, a sickening example what a woman will do to other women in order to please men and further her own career. Women do shit like that to other women to keep them down – to make their achievement seem more extraordinary – to keep women out of their way, so they can enjoy all the power and the men themselves, and that stuff makes them worse than sexist men. It is worse to be a traitor than a perpetrator. That she made rape victims pay for their own forensic exams shows that she believes that women somehow deserved to be raped – that it is our fault, just like unplanned pregnancy, just like being victimized by men – or women like her. She acts like all women are wearing a miniskirt and are asking for it. So fuck her.

Now they are selling Hitachi Magic Wands, and I think it is a genius move. The Hitachi Magic Wand is not only my favorite sex toy – it is the deal breaker in many a relationship. Its first appearance on the bed is a serious test for any prospective lover. They have to be able to work with the wand, wield it with some authority, or at least be able to learn to use the vibration to enhance their own moves. I think of it as a chance to be a Jedi, with your very own light saber and an all matching hot pink roller boogie shorts and tank top outfit with thigh high athletic socks!!! This is a very sexy combo – American Apparel and magic wands!

I got the G-shot as part of my new VH1 show, “The Cho Show,” which I am filming right now and it is so fucking awesome you are going to just scream when you see it – I am so excited! Anyway, the G-Shot is an injection of collagen into your G-Spot that is supposed to enhance any kind of stimulation there. It is for women who have limited sensation in their vagina, which is me. My puss is more clitoral than vaginal. I am more into the outside than the inside. I am more about display than content. Whenever I go to a party, I tend to hang out on the steps rather than in the house and I never go into the backyard. And to keep the party analogy going, I don’t even have a G-Spot, per say, one place where the party is all centered, but there are lots of smaller events happening all over the area. Mine isn’t a G-Spot. More like a G-Block Party. My pussy is a lot like Coachella. There are a lot of bands hanging around waiting to play.

So I got it done at a fancy Beverly Hills gyno office and it was somewhat uncomfortable. First the G-Spot must be located. The poor doctor had to poke around in there for a long time, and it reminded me of this one guy who was looking for it many years ago, all thumbs in there going “Where’s your spot? Where’s your spot?” It didn’t feel good and I was like, “uh, I usually park on the street.” The doctor came upon an area that felt more sensitive than the other areas (more partying going on there than elsewhere) so she shot up that region with an anesthetic – which was painful!! I needed anesthesia for my anesthesia! It was so prickly and hurting that she had to shoot me up twice with the numbing agent. Then they got the big needle out, which I didn’t feel but looked so scarily long that I thought the end might poke out through my back! OW!!!!

So since then, I haven’t felt any sexual enhancement at all. If anything it makes me not want to do it, which is incredible because I always want to do it – so it doesn’t work as any kind of aphrodisiac, but would be a good punishment for sex offenders. Now my vagina just feels like there is a gel insole in there. Like my cervix is wearing boot socks. I am totally asexual and I feel like I am sitting on a hemorrhoid donut all the time. I really feel kind of bad complaining about the procedure, because the doctor was so nice, and I am all about supporting anything that benefits women and their sexuality. I totally think that the spirit of the thing is cool. Women should feel good in their bodies and if surgery can enhance that, I am all for it. Unfortunately, the G-Shot just wasn’t for me, but it might be for you. There are lots of raves from women about it, and more often than not the results are supposed to be mindblowing, just not for me!

It lasts for four months so I will be at the convent until the swelling goes down.

South Carolina state representative Ralph Davenport (Republican, SC) has proposed a bill that would make sex toys illegal in SC. If passed, selling them would be a felony in the state. More info on the babeland blog. What’s worse is that Davenport readily admits that he doesn’t know what a sex toy is – yet he wants them banned.

This guy is from my home state, and represents my home county, so I find this especially infuriating but also embarrassing. Of course, he’s the same representative who proposed a bill to erect a fetus monument on the state house lawn.

If you’d like to contact Rep. Davenport and let him know what sex toys are (probably not a threat to national security for starters) you can find his info here.

- Keri Smith

Remember that girl who went to France to take RU-486 and then get right back on the plane to return to the US to flashing cameras and police? What the fuck is wrong with people? I am not saying that everyone should fuck themselves insane BONOBO (pansexual apes that are out closest living relatives that negate the ‘homosexuality is not found in nature’ argument) style and then throw their shit all over the place, but what is this puritanical attitude? Like she needed a big “A” sewn on her chest to show all that she ABORTED. I want to sew a big “I” for ignant on everyone involved with putting this woman through fucking hell for having a body and the courage to do what she wanted with it.

Plan B should not be up for review. There should never have been a recall. We never finished counting the votes from 2000.

What is Plan A? Abstinence? And we got rights over everybody and their mama’s uterus? Put it in the A-SS only?

I am not pro-death. I am pro-choice. I am of the mind that young people will find a way to do what they naturally will do without possibly hurting themselves even if we tell them NOT TO DO IT. Young people have strong emotions, intense hormones that will not be silenced as easily as saying A-B-S-T-I-N-E-N-C-E. What they need is education, options, condoms, counseling, help, confidence, gentle awareness, trust in teachers, confidentiality, equality, reality, the fucking truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help us all God – not GUILT.

Because ABSTINENCE = GUILT.
Guilt = Low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem = everything you going to get if you offer only abstinence as your only solution.

I think that if they are looking at Plan B and they are thinking about getting rid of it, then I would like to propose Plan C.

C stands for CUNT. Not a curse word, not a slur, not a bad thing. As Inga Muscio’s brilliant and important book of the same name, CUNT is the celebration of the woman and the world, as we are one and the same. We would have no world without the CUNT, so anyone who uses this as a negative, transgressive word, is denying the fact they are alive. We are all born from cunts. Where we all have as a human race, our very first home address. No matter where your mail gets forwarded now, everyone everywhere ever had this on their mailbox first -

Me, CUNT, The World.

This makes the cunt powerful. And that power includes the power of choice, the power of knowledge, the power of attorney, the power of cunnilingus, the power of veto, the power of everything it wants and DOES NOT WANT anytime, anywhere, anyway all the time for all time. For real. That is what I am talking about.

“And if you want to argue with me you better call TYRONE.”-Erykah Badu

The Pope is one press release away from selling indulgences to buy space in heaven, like in the days of Martin Luther – not the King, the father of Lutheranism, Catholicism Lite. I am so angry, I don’t want to just rip up a picture of the pope. I want to rip him a new asshole, wearing a condom, and I don’t even have a dick, but this is the one time I wish I did. Fuck you John Paul whatever the fuck your fucking name is you fucking gold vestment tall ass hat wearing shit head. Why don’t you just fucking die already? Doesn’t God need a personal assistant? Fuck Fuck Fuck you. No seriously. Fuck you. You are not God’s representative. God would not do that to people. God loves unconditionally. All are welcome in the true House of God. We need Angry Jesus to storm the Vatican right now, kicking out the money changers and the temple prostitutes and the child molesters. I love me some Angry Ass Jesus. Make your own loaves and fishes muthafucka! Get out of my Father’s house!!! I want Jesus to evict your ass, throw all the millions of dollars worth of sacred art and gold and relics and Liberace style robes bought with the blood of the countless believers who give you everything and more so that they will be saved, and you do nothing but let them die, condemn them, judge them, molest them, kill them. I want the Vatican front lawn littered with the garage sale of the Judas Iscariot of the world, which would amount to much more than thirty pieces of silver, and to give the money to the people who are dying of AIDS because of you, the children who have had their innocence stolen by you, the innumerable crimes you have committed against the people in the name of God. We are made in the image of God, we are fucking GOD!!!! You don’t know Him. You just front like you are God are down and shit, but you don’t have His pager number. You don’t two-way message Him. If you did, you would care about the people that believe in you, you would treat them like you worship them, because we are all GOD!!!!! GOD is nice. God wants you to wear condoms. God wants you to have fun. God loves everyone. He doesn’t care what you do. He is going to love you no matter what. God also has many names, like Buddha, Vishnu, Allah, Mohammed, Jehovah, Beyonce, you. Don’t listen to the Vatican. They don’t know shit and should just have a fucking bake sale and shut the fuck up.