They paid a lot for me at the time, and since I was technically an employee of Disney, whenever I was at Disneyland or Disneyworld, I never had to wait in line for rides or pay one thin dime for food or souvenirs, which basically ruined the theme park game for me. Now when I go to any kind of amusement park, I expect that kind of treatment. I get in through the gates and I feel like a deposed king, no longer in power yet unable to blend back into ordinary life, the memory of riches and entitlements now just a bitter taste in my mouth.

But in the early 90s, I could ride the Matterhorn as many times in a row as I pleased. If I wanted to I could just stay on the ride and go again and again and again and again and I did it so much I didn’t enjoy it at all anymore. It just rattled my brain and racked my nerves. I preferred the weirdly retro science rides at Disneyworld, the ones hardly ridden by anyone and set to close down forever, which now would be categorized as ‘steampunk’ and be kept running by hipsters high on mushrooms.

Whenever you went to Disneyworld you would get a young person who would be your fixer, and they would usually be a good looking, somewhat androgynous and extremely ambitious type. Their jobs had a specific name but I can’t remember what it is, or what their individual names were. They would do anything for you, and I even think once I asked them for drugs and they just laughed. They wore plaid vests and were uniformly beautiful and resourceful and trained to please you in all ways that were legal and possible. I guess it is like hiring a geisha, as these vested and happy helpers made a point to flatter you and make good conversation, so they were geisha without kimono. Like Doctors Without Borders. Nice kids.

They drove me to the set in golf carts and complimented my fancy gown, a Gregory Parkinson original, fitted to my body in the workroom of his old store on Beverly Blvd. Gregory slit the back open and pinned the silver sequin masterpiece so it hung perfectly, and after the special was filmed he hand dyed it so I could wear it again without anyone suspecting it wasn’t new. It was my first real designer dress and I wish I still had the thing. I can’t remember where it is at all anymore.

Dick Clark was there and he looked supernaturally young, which has been the joke with him forever, and he has always been fond of me and relied on me and gave me jobs way before other people did. Once he brought me in specially to shoot an episode of the Donny and Marie talk show. The famous siblings fought throughout my segment, and Dick apologized for their constant conflict. I was merely honored to be there, and probably as starstruck as I have ever been. I remember the Barbie style dolls of Donny and Marie I had as a child, in their purple ice skating outfits, the shredded amethyst and lavender chiffon cut into tiny triangles to give the illusion of movement. I don’t know why they don’t have tv shows filmed on ice anymore. This was a smashingly good idea.

Dick Clark’s Rockin’ Eve wasn’t filmed on ice, and I shared co-hosting duties with Steve Harvey, who I saw often in those days, as we both had big deals with Disney. He was always hilarious and made fun of the executives and whenever he was there it was a relief because I didn’t have to do all the joking. Salt-n-Pepa performed and they wore knee pads and danced impressively and sang their hit ‘What a Man’ and it was thrilling even though they had to repeat the song a number of times so that the cameras could move and shoot them from different angles. Every time they did the song I still got just as excited as the first time. I love Salt-n-Pepa. Spinderella was there too.

We all stood together at the end and cheered in the new year – I think Hootie and the Blowfish were in attendance as well but my memory doesn’t include them and I am not sure why. I saw Darius Rucker multiple times during that period. For some reason we were always in the same hotels. I was always coming when he was going.  Different cities, different days, but we always passed each other in the same direction. He’s nice too. He’ll hold an elevator for you even when its awkward and inconvenient.

When the old year was counted out and the new year was ushered in I got scared because it wasn’t New Years. It wasn’t even close to New Years. I had been watching this show since I was a child and I had always assumed it was live and now to be a part of it, a big part of it and know what a lie it was felt strangely shattering and sickening. I think it was the very beginning of my nervous breakdown of the mid-90s and one of the reasons I never celebrate New Year’s Eve.

Today is the day! Get your copy of Margaret’s 6th concert film, Cho Dependent, filmed at the Tabernacle in Atlanta, GA!

Order the Cho Dependent DVD HERE

Get a digital copy of Cho Dependent (Live in Concert) on itunes HERE

A note from Margaret…

My new DVD Cho Dependent is out finally and I am so excited! I filmed this show at the Tabernacle in Atlanta where I have performed many times and gone to see such diverse acts as Elvis Costello in a country music guise (where I marveled at the man who I have hugged without the English restraint you need when you hug on some English people – they get scared so please approach them sideways like a crab and hug very quickly on the side or just prepare them in advance for the hug by telling them it is coming and wait about 3 minutes before you do it) and his impressive catalogue – as he has so many songs that he can just pick a genre he wants to do or revisit whether it’s the attractions or country or Juliet letters with strings and tour that – unbelievable – Elvis is the MAN and 30 Seconds to Mars which was probably the most unified front I have ever seen in live music. The entire audience knew all the lyrics to all the songs and Jared only had to lift his fine angelic hands and they knew what to do. It was similar to and rivaled only the great Neil Finn and Crowded House shows I have seen in the United Kingdom. Neil only had to raise up his hand, perhaps an opening guitar riff, and we all knew exactly what song it was and what part harmony we would be singing.

The Tabernacle is an old place, but it’s got banging new sound and a hotshit crew that took good care of us. Many of the people filming this show worked on Drop Dead Diva, and so there was family all around. We parked the beloved tour bus in the back of the theatre, and Al, my darling husband came to join the party, as we were set to leave on a long pasta eating excursion to Rome the next day.  It was the last day of a long tour, and I needed my man and I needed a break and I needed carbs and in their most potent form, pasta. Mmm.  We drove in from sunny, alabaster bright Miami, and I had gotten a Snooki-style tube dress at a South Beach tourist trap, so we were unprepared for the weather. It was actually snowing, tiny flakes of newly frozen water that melted as soon as it hit your bare skin – yes we didn’t even know to put jackets on – we weren’t ready for the surprise that Hotlanta actually gets really fucking cold sometimes.

My voice was in a good way, which is pleasing and not always the case, and I had a smashing set, even though it’s disorienting to film these shows, even though I have shot many of them now, and am accruing quite a library of standup comedy shows on DVD, VHS film – I am up for it all and I love it.  Let’s shoot one with a shoebox camera. When you shoot a comedy show, the audience is illuminated, as they are the stars of the film too, as are you. We are all stars. I saw all my friends in the audience, my Atlanta heartthrobs and heroines, and we stayed late at the Tabernacle afterwards with wine and cheese from my prodigious tour rider which is basically a breakdown of what is happening in the cheese world today. Bring on the dairy. If it’s a party, I want to get drunk on dairy. The wine is just to cut the richness, but seriously you could leave that off. I don’t care. I just want cheese.

I am proud of this show because there are lots of surprises, lots of variety elements, songs I love to sing and exciting new material which after months of touring is tight as a drum and I wanna bang it like a gong. Lorene did an awesome job yet again, as we’ve fallen into a familiar rhythm with these. We enjoy it and we come back and do another and another and it feels great. Now this is number 6.

I wanted to shoot in the great city of Atlanta because it is my second home, where I actually spend the most time during the year in one place. My friends there are tremendous, and I miss them during the times when I am off on the road laying awake in hotel beds with my frenemy that gruesome bitch Insomnia. Ms. Insomnia = who I don’t want to be with. My friends from Atlanta = who I do want to be with. And you = who I want to get with. And you + my new DVD Cho Dependent = me happy.

-Margaret

Photo by Lindsey Byrnes

Closest to my heart is Chaz, who is the first transman I have seen on mainstream television, and he was great. There is so much controversy surrounding him, and I don’t understand what it is about. He’s bonafide Hollywood royalty – it doesn’t get more legit than Sonny and CHER, he’s got the moves – what is the problem? Why does homophobia reach into people’s lives where their very participation in LIFE becomes a controversy? Why are people mad about a transman being on tv? I am mad when transgendered people are NOT on tv. Why shouldn’t they be on tv? It’s called fucking “TV.”

I was elated to see Chaz on the dance floor, and the judges gave him lots of wonderful feedback on his performance. He’s also got the hotness as a partner. Selene and I were simply freaking out over the hypnotic power of Lacey Schwimmer’s ass. I have been trying to grow my own ass like hers but it isn’t working. I need to plant some ass seeds. What is marvelous is that Lacey’s outgoing personality and Chaz’s sweet shyness blend well – together they are absolutely gorgeous and I hope they go far. I loved Carson Kressley’s performance too. He had on the most unexpected shade of brown I had ever seen, almost a burnt sienna, a very 70s instant coffee with brandy brown, and he and Anna seemed to have the most fun of all. I think to be successful on the show, you need to be who you are, and Carson was completely Carson and that is the best. Ricki Lake was a beautiful dancer, and I love her classically perfect face glowing as she was gliding across the floor in her ballroom shoes.

I really don’t want to see anyone go home, just because it is so fun to watch television, and feel included. When I see Chaz, Carson and Ricki I feel like I am in the game somehow too (I was in the game but went home early). I wonder if anyone is going to go hard like me – I got voted off after wearing the rainbow flag and dancing to Barry Manilow, but I feel like I primed the yellow brick road for this season of DWTS, which is it’s gayest yet and that is saying a lot. I will be back to watch from the audience as much as I can – to show support and love and also because this is my big heavyweight championship/superbowl/world series rolled into one. Can’t wait!

Check out this clip to see some of the amazing guest stars this season!

I had such a fun time on set and I loved the way it came out! It’s such an amazing show and as always it’s super surreal to be on something that you’re already a fan of! Also playing Kim Jong-Il is a longtime dream. He’s my Evita.

Some pics from the set:

I can’t release any more photos until it airs because it will give too much away, but don’t miss it!

Before we went out there the Hoff was in the hallway doing navy seal style pushups very low to the ground and then lightning fast sprung his tallness into position. It was so exciting to watch all the pro dancers strut their impressive stuff on the stairs (during rehearsal I would sit low as I could so I could have an ass point of reference – their asses are unstoppable, especially Cheryl and Maks) and then to dance with everyone – pros and stars – on the floor. I felt proud in my backless little red dress and my trusty old worn-out-from-bellydancing-in-middle-eastern-restaurant capezios. I realize I should have worn these shoes when I was competing as they have a kind of sympathetic magic and lend lightness to my feet. The satin is dull and the rhinestones are haphazardly placed, but these shoes are my dance history, which I didn’t draw on nearly enough throughout the entire DWTS experience, until last night. My tattoos were painted in glitter which was so pretty I wanted to start screaming.”We should have done this all along. Why didn’t we do this all along? Why are we not competing in the finals?” all day I said this to Louis. He answered in his typical fashion – “I know. I know. I know, we should be. Well, we are doing it now. We are doing it now.” I also kept grabbing Brandy – “Why aren’t you in the finals? Why? Why? Why? Brandy??? Why? You are such a beautiful dancer! WTF? Lots of people got robbed, but you – you… that’s not right…” every time I saw her face I felt like crying. Unfair.

I got in my fabulous rainbow dress and looked at Louis next to the camera on the dance floor, seconds before dancing in front of 24 million people. He was smiling and nodding and with his special language of gestures and pointing reminding me to let go and have fun and I looked at him and I thought about how much I love him and how much I wanted to thank him for all his hard work and all he taught me. It must be how gymnasts or skaters feel looking at their coaches right before they compete in the Olympics. “I am gonna dance this for you Louis,” I thought – “I dedicate this to you my teacher.” It was a real “grasshopper” moment. My legs, feet and arms moved in a graceful perfect symphony of arcs and lines. I mastered milliseconds of physical silence. My entire body wrapped around Louis like a ribbon. As I passed the judges I gave them all a special smile and they cheered. I grabbed Florence’s hand as we were lifted up by Louis, Damian, Dimitri and the awesome Corky Ballas. As we waded through the deep sea of rainbow streamers, it felt like we had swum across an ocean of love. When Jennifer won I felt like all was fair in love and war. What a life I thought. The life of a dancer.

I am shedding the flesh toned body stocking and going for full tattoo exposure. It’s ok if it clashes with the dress, although it shouldn’t. The rainbow goes with everything. I love the way the dress looks so 20s, like an Erte drawing, but also kind of flapper too. One of my favorite things I have ever worn, ever ever ever. I plan to borrow the dress to wear to my Wiltern show on Dec 3rd. Hopefully I can borrow it and reborrow it like a library book. We will see!

It’s so fun to dance now without the intense pressure. I really missed dancing with Louis, and he was blown away at how fast I was able to pick up the steps again, even remembering the routine unpracticed for weeks. I still wished we had gotten to do the tango, and the fact that we never got to dance to “Creep” by Radiohead, which was supposed to be the dance we were going to do the week after we got eliminated – will be a thorn in my side forever! Still, this return to dance is completely triumphant. I feel the music, and I understand the moves better this time around, without the constant worry of being eliminated. The photos of the judges in the rehearsal room don’t intimidate or infuriate – they’re just there – like they will just be there at the finale – enjoying our efforts just like they had been all along.

Florence and I are probably the biggest fans of the show itself. We have been coming to the tapings weekly and cheering everyone else on. I also have been enjoying a bit of partner swapping and dancing with the incredible Corky. He’s such a bad ass dancer – cool as a cucumber and watching over Florence and caring for her with a real tenderness that is very touching. She told me that when she messed up her footwork on their Viennese waltz, Corky matched her mistake, so that it looked like it was part of their choreography. That kind of consideration is priceless and rare in a world as selfish and cutthroat as dance can be.

Cho and Flo (which is the title of our new reality show – we decided!) will be in the audience again tonight to watch the final four (omg are there only 4 couples left – shit!). We will wave hello from the crowd!

It’s going to be weird not to dance, but I want to keep up my physical fitness. I feel like I’ve gotten a great start on a new healthy life and I want to stay active. This has always been an issue for me because I am just not used to moving, but now that I am already in motion, it’s going to be easier to stay in motion. I learned so much through this journey and I am so glad that I got the opportunity. And it isn’t like I am going to get any time off to relax, as I am going right back out on tour this week! What I want first of all though is a pedicure. My feet are so hard and calloused – they are straight up Fred Flintstone. I could start a car with them. Yababdabba doo!