Margaret and her Dancing with the Stars partner, Louis van Amstel, will be on The View tomorrow, October 7th to do a final dance! Margaret will talk about Dancing with the Stars, fighting to end to anti-gay bullying in schools, and her new tour, Cho Dependent. Don’t miss it!
Posts Tagged ‘Dancing With The Stars’
I am proud of our performance on Dancing with the Stars. We danced our collective ass off, represented the community with a fabulous rainbow flag and got a really important message of pride and self esteem across in a very exuberant way. Watching the show back, I actually didn’t notice he mistakes that I made! Perhaps I had learned it wrong to begin with! That might be it. I am not as hard on myself and am enjoying the process more, relaxing into it. Maybe that isn’t the way to go, but I want to have fun and not take it so seriously. Trying to do everything, both dancing and touring is very tough, and I’m so tired beyond anything I have ever experienced before. I felt great when the night was through. My feeling is dancing is a wonderful thing, but if you have a moment where you can tell the world something, something so vitally important that it is bursting out of your heart, you have to. I wanted to call an end to the gay teen suicides. I wanted to reach out to their families, prevent it from ever happening again. We will never heal from this loss, but we can protect our children from now on, strengthening them with messages of pride, loving them as hard as we can, making sure they are strong and happy with themselves and can face anything. I made my moment in the spotlight all about that, and that’s the best dance of all.
This week we are telling a story with our dance. Our storyline is my story. When I did TV the first time, what seems like so many years ago, I was told I was too overweight to play myself – I became so sick with anorexia, I almost died. This story is about how I overcame feeling self doubt, and became beautiful to myself. This is the moment when I said to myself, “This is it. This is what I look like – and I accept who I am completely.” So many people never do this in their entire lives. I want to show them how. So it is about Lola, the showgirl, who is beautiful and is loved by herself and everyone else. I am a showgirl – because I am showing off this girl!! It’s also an important story to tell because there have been so many suicides by gay teens lately. I want to reach out to these kids who feel like they don’t have any hope and say that yes, there is hope. There is love. Stay with me. Let’s stick around for it. Together.
We danced so hard last night. My feet are pounding. I can feel my heart beat in them. The satin dance shoes are too narrow for me, so the bands cut into my toes. There are huge blisters. Still, they are getting calloused over, because I am not giving up. I am dancing through.
I loved the jive, and our song “Dreaming” by Blondie is one of my all time favorites. I love Debbie Harry and she inspired me a lot. I thought we did great – and the judges seemed to like it too. It was very intricate choreography. I wanted to hold my breath the entire time as if this would somehow make me do it better. Now we are just waiting to see what happens tonight.
I really want to stay in the competition because our next routine is going to be amazing – we are totally going for a gay pride theme with a fabulous samba! I am sure there will be some crying too – because it’s a serious topic. I am so upset about Don’t Ask Don’t Tell not being repealed, and the everpresent frustration of Prop 8. We need to represent ourselves fighting for equal rights every triple step of the way.
I am so exhausted its been hard to write. We have been driving on the bus all night and rehearsing all day – stopping to do shows on The Cho Dependent Tour – it’s incredible. I love the physical benefits – all these weird little aches and pains have been disappearing, because I am moving for the first time. The body is supposed to move, I am understanding this now. I want to keep it up.
The dance this week is hard and fast and I want to do it all the time. I kick out steps in my sleep as the bus rolls on to the next town. I am glad we are out of town because everyone from DWTS is getting sick. We are away from everything and in our own world, which is perfect for me. I am doing the routine in my head, as John Roberts and I lie in bed and watch Jersey Shore (omg this week was incredible with Angelina’s pad! Need to talk to The Situation about that one). I am watching Louis and I dance it over and over on my flip camera. How did we do anything without technology before? I absolutely love my costume. It’s so gorgeous and glamorous. It should win from fabulousness alone.
I am enjoying now the brief silence between the rehearsals and the shows. The interim when you have ordered the pizza and you know it is coming. I am so ready for week 2.
Home now eating delicious sweets from friends and enjoying an early night. I am so grateful for everyone who voted for us and kept us on the show. Yesterday was a really rough day. I wasn’t sure what to feel or think. I want to stay in the game so badly, so much that I can barely think straight. I know I can dance. I feel it in my bones. I want to do this for myself, the little girl in me who wants to be a beautiful princess – who wants to be seen and heard and loved and praised. I want to do this for all the girls who have been told they are not perfect – who have been told they are ugly and fat – who know deep inside that they are not those things… it’s so hard to face your own insecurity and doubts and fears. I really feel like I am doing that.
My body feels sore but also strong and capable. I am doing spins that weren’t possible two days ago. I can feel the floor through my bruised and calloused feet and my body is starting to understand what to do – where to step, where to stop, where to be physically silent, where to be loud. Louis is pushing me further and further – I am crying now all the time, not because I am sad, but because I feel like I am really in my body. I didn’t realize how much I have been avoiding being here – how little time I have spent in my skin – for my entire life. It’s the same with my house. I never really unpack. I never really am home. it is the same with my physical being. I have been told so many times that my body was not right – for this reason or that. I have abandoned myself so much that now it feels strange to stay here. To be here. One thing is certain – I am here now. I am doing this. It doesn’t exactly feel good, but it feels right.
There’s kind of a gassy farty fear smell in the air, or maybe that is just me. I am in my trailer hoping for internet so I can watch Jennifer Grey’s performance again. She was so stunningly beautiful! She can really move and was a joy to watch. And the nicest person! Serious contender for miss congeniality. She came over to me in the makeup trailer with a text from her friend saying that our dance was brilliant. I love that. She’s been so supportive, which is really wonderful to be around.
The energy here is tense. I am now just in my trailer trying to not panic and think about later. I am not so freaked out about being judged. I have been judged so much my whole life. I have a very tough skin. I had a cortisone injection last month and the nurse had a hard time getting the needle through my hide. I am so calloused from the inside out. I am tough. I just feel bad that Louis’ fate hangs in the balance too. The dancers get paid from week to week – the longer they survive, the more pay they have to count on. That is important to me. He has done such a great job with me, not only traveling to everywhere I am performing on tour and literally living in my lap for the last few weeks, but also teaching me to dance beautifully from the ground up. He also has brought his entire family out here from Amsterdam to watch him on the show. I told his mother last night that I didn’t want her to have come here for no reason!! Everything will be sorted out soon I guess – all I can say is that I tried my hardest and gave my best – and hopefully we are still in the game.
What a crazy thing – this reality show business. It’s tense and it’s devastating but it also makes for terrific watching. It’s all people’s feelings and determination and past wins and losses. It’s athletes and ingénues and political progeny and Florence Henderson and me. I don’t know where I fit but I also don’t know how I don’t fit. I am just trying to be conscious, be aware, be kind, be careful. There’s gifting suites and cheesecake – things that usually make me happy, but its hard to focus, thinking about how bummed out my parents seemed last night with the judges’ scores. This show means everything to my parents. It’s like the biggest thing for them. They don’t want to say anything, because it’s such a big deal. I know they are freaking out but are totally silent because they want me to succeed so badly but they aren’t sure how to help me. I keep trying to tell them that no matter what happens it will be ok but you should see them – it’s so heartbreaking. I think they are worried this will get us deported or something!
The best this morning was my parent’s strategic thinking and breaking down what the show is all about while trying to cheer me up and lift my spirits….
Dad: They have the lady have many baby and she cannot do the dance still she do dance many time – maybe 5 times – many times!
Mom: Maybe if you have some baby they feel sorry for you and they vote
Dad: But they have sometime the people who cannot dance. But different is you – you can dance!
Mom: She can dance because even when she was 4 year old she was dance and not even with other girl – she was prima donna and dance in the middle – just like this (proceeds to do impression of me dancing as 4 year old)
Dad: Yes still she can dance very good much better than other people dancing. As good as donny osmond!
Mom: Yes as good as Donny Osmond! He was very good!
Dad: Also Asian do very good on the show. There is the Ono and that what is Yamaguchi?
Mom: And also lady who is judge that lady. That she is Asian.
Dad: Asian always do very good
Mom: Don’t worry because your fan will not let you go down like that
Dad: No don’t worry because you have so many fan
Mom: Don’t worry!
Dad: Don’t worry!
(but they both look sooooo worried! Hahahaha)