Here is an amazing video made by my husband, Al. It’s not a compound!!!
Posts Tagged ‘Women’s Issues’
I’m so glad I am not a polygamist.
First of all, I don’t really like pie. I know that is weird. Pie is good, but for some reason, I don’t like to eat it because usually it is too hot and I burn my tongue, and it is too sweet, so it gives me a crazy sugar high really fast and then I am exhausted. Polygamists seem to eat a lot of pie. I am not sure if this is a known fact, but a pie seems to complete the polygamist outfit.
Which leads me to the outfit – even though pastels like baby blue, lilac and soft pink flatter me, I don’t want to wear the big shouldered prairie dress. Don’t get me wrong â€“ I love “Little House on the Prairie” but only when it is kept in the realm of â€˜dragâ€™ and not worn every day for religious purposes. The shoulders are too wide and lambchoppy to make anyone look good.
I don’t want to marry anyone that much older than me. Not just because of the sex (which would be not so fun to begin with but at least old people finish either super fast or super slow) but because there would be nothing fun to talk about. How do you relate to each other? It would be boring!
I also don’t want to be a polygamist because then I would probably have to cook or clean and I don’t know how to do either of those things. Also I have terrible allergies, so if I had to live in any kind of compound situation I am sure I would die of a runny nose.
I feel really bad for all those children, because they are the victims who are only being punished again by being separated from their families, but how can they be saved from their fate unless they are taken away? The whole thing is super sad but it also makes you really grateful not to be a polygamist.
I had a new procedure called the “G-Shot,” which is kind of like plastic surgery, kind of a body modification â€“ but you don’t see it. It is on the inside. It isn’t something I would necessarily normally do, because I am very happy with my vagina the way it is. It is one of the finest in the world, and really needs little embellishment. It has served me well for many years and there are lots of miles left on it.
I got the G-shot as part of my new VH1 show, “The Cho Show,” which I am filming right now and it is so fucking awesome you are going to just scream when you see it â€“ I am so excited! Anyway, the G-Shot is an injection of collagen into your G-Spot that is supposed to enhance any kind of stimulation there. It is for women who have limited sensation in their vagina, which is me. My puss is more clitoral than vaginal. I am more into the outside than the inside. I am more about display than content. Whenever I go to a party, I tend to hang out on the steps rather than in the house and I never go into the backyard. And to keep the party analogy going, I don’t even have a G-Spot, per say, one place where the party is all centered, but there are lots of smaller events happening all over the area. Mine isn’t a G-Spot. More like a G-Block Party. My pussy is a lot like Coachella. There are a lot of bands hanging around waiting to play.
So I got it done at a fancy Beverly Hills gyno office and it was somewhat uncomfortable. First the G-Spot must be located. The poor doctor had to poke around in there for a long time, and it reminded me of this one guy who was looking for it many years ago, all thumbs in there going “Where’s your spot? Where’s your spot?” It didn’t feel good and I was like, “uh, I usually park on the street.” The doctor came upon an area that felt more sensitive than the other areas (more partying going on there than elsewhere) so she shot up that region with an anesthetic â€“ which was painful!! I needed anesthesia for my anesthesia! It was so prickly and hurting that she had to shoot me up twice with the numbing agent. Then they got the big needle out, which I didn’t feel but looked so scarily long that I thought the end might poke out through my back! OW!!!!
So since then, I haven’t felt any sexual enhancement at all. If anything it makes me not want to do it, which is incredible because I always want to do it â€“ so it doesn’t work as any kind of aphrodisiac, but would be a good punishment for sex offenders. Now my vagina just feels like there is a gel insole in there. Like my cervix is wearing boot socks. I am totally asexual and I feel like I am sitting on a hemorrhoid donut all the time. I really feel kind of bad complaining about the procedure, because the doctor was so nice, and I am all about supporting anything that benefits women and their sexuality. I totally think that the spirit of the thing is cool. Women should feel good in their bodies and if surgery can enhance that, I am all for it. Unfortunately, the G-Shot just wasn’t for me, but it might be for you. There are lots of raves from women about it, and more often than not the results are supposed to be mindblowing, just not for me!
It lasts for four months so I will be at the convent until the swelling goes down.
Just read an article about myself where I described myself as “chubby” and I think that it is a fairly unacceptable description, and I want to apologize to myself for saying it, because that is just wrong. I am not chubby – and to call myself that is to endanger the lives of millions of young girls who look to the media to define who they are, who are constantly checking themselves for fear of wrecking themselves, who are afraid to be thought of as “chubby,” who don’t realize that they are perfect as they are, and it is irresponsible. I fear they will read this article and look at my body and be scared because it is like theirs, and they will then think of themselves as “chubby” and learn to hate themselves more. To call me “chubby” is to call a billion women “chubby” who shouldn’t think of themselves as anything less than hot and sexy and curvy and built. I am not “chubby.” I am a real live perfectly beautiful woman, and just because I may be larger than the mostly anorexic female population in Hollywood, it doesn’t make me any less desirable or gorgeous because I like food. I take it back, as I must take back all the millions of insults that I hurl at myself without knowing it. I would never, ever say any of the horrible things I say to myself about myself to anyone else, not even someone I hated, because there is no one I could possibly hate that much. We must stop fighting the war against ourselves before we can truly start to love ourselves. We are not “chubby,” we are perfect. We are beautiful. We are so very very beautiful.
This whole Spitzer scandal is amazing, but what I find the most incredible is how expensive the prostitutes were. Up to $31,000 a day! That rules! Talk about HIGH CLASS HOES!! That is some pricey pussy and I hope it was worth it. Damn! It must be lined with chinchilla and diamonds. (7 to be exact! Ow! Rough edges!) That is a solid platinum cunt. Like something you see in SKYMALL – you are not really paying for just the pussy, you are paying for shipping and insurance. That is really cool! I have much respect for hoes. I wish I had thought to charge. I was usually so fucked up back then, when I was spreading it for the masses, I would just say, “Oh â€“ um. Uh, alrightâ€¦”
I could have had a credit card machine! I am thinking maybe I should bill people now for it.
Check this article out.
CNN received dozens of e-mails shortly after posting the story, which focuses largely on conversations about Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama that a CNN reporter observed at a hair salon in South Carolina whose customers are predominantly African-American.
The story states: “For these women, a unique, and most unexpected dilemma, presents itself: Should they vote their race, or should they vote their gender?”
An e-mailer named Tiffany responded sarcastically: “Duh, I’m a black woman and here I am at the voting booth. Duh, since I’m illiterate I’ll pull down the lever for someone. Hm… Well, he black so I may vote for him… oh wait she a woman I may vote for her… What Ise gon’ do? Oh lordy!”
I too am insulted at the idea that just because I am a person of color and a woman that I should be expected to automatically vote for Obama or Hillary. Why are white men allowed to look at the issues and judge for themselves and the rest of us are expected to take sides grade school style? That is racist and sexist and dumb. That is like if all the stupid people voted for Huckabee (please God let this not happen).
Still, I believe Obama and Hillary the best candidates. I just think overall there are too many people running. It is like a reality show. Itâ€™s like “Americaâ€™s Next Top President.” Why donâ€™t we just let Tyra decide? But then again she’d run into the same problem as Oprah. I hate that people are saying that Oprah is some kind of gender traitor because she is backing Obama. Donâ€™t even talk about Oprah unless you want to fight. I got a brick in my purse so watch it (remember ladies â€“ something heavy inside something light = weapon). I think it is wonderful that Oprah is getting involved in politics. It is brave and exciting and gives me lots of hope for the future.
I think that is what I love about Obama â€“ he represents hope. I would not be voting for him just because I am a person of color. Race has so little to do with it! He is all about change â€“ a new beginning. His youthful optimism appeals to me and his hope for the future enthralls me and these issues transcend race completely. I would be voting for Hillary because she has already been president for 8 years and did an awesome job. So my choice really for the next President is going to be very well thought out; I am between Barack and a familiar face.
Guess what America! People of color and women think! Just like white men! For reals!!!
I got some excellent fan mail over the weekend:
“you need to get her to be more fan based oriented like actually talking to us and doing auto graphs she ignored us and ran off stage after wouldn’t talk to any one or do pictures and auto graphs…with out her fans she be doing nothing but laundry right now.”
And then I saw this youtube video of Hillary getting heckled by a guy screaming “Iron my shirt!!!”
That’s a weird way to try to bring down women. Threaten them with laundry! Why is laundry an insult? Laundry is cool! Especially if you have your own washer and dryer. It is not as exciting if you don’t but then you get to go to the bank and get quarters. I like having rolls of quarters around because then you can put them in a pillowcase and be ready to fight! You can really fuck shit up at the Laundromat if you have to: “THAT’S MY DRYER BITCH!!!”
Even though I have my own washer and dryer now, cuz I am classy like that, nobody at my house allows me to do my own laundry because I don’t understand the color situation. I am all about the laundry being integrated and I don’t think that the whites should have their own load because it isn’t fair to all the colors. So I mix the whites and the colors and then everything comes out kind of pink/grey. That is what I get for inclusion. I realize that the laundry is not the place to work out your segregation issues.
Anyway, Hillary and I are not doing laundry anytime soon so you better do your own.